I'm so sorry for your loss. X

So sorry for your loss. Sincere condolences on behalf of the Cancer Chat team. It sounds like your husband died peacefully and that it was the right thing for him to be by your side in the comfort of his home. 

We're thinking of you and his loved ones during this difficult time. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

oh bless you. i do know that it is common for people to die when their loved ones have had a nap/popped out for a bit etc - it's like they wait to go. my father in law passed from covid at home. it was at the beginning of the pandemic and we had been told until the day before he died that it WASN'T covid so you can imagine how shocked my mother in law was when they said sorry it's covid and you're dying - he was still lucid enough to say he wanted to die at home but for several days before, he too had had no appetite/seemed confused at times. as a family we couldn't even be in the house to support her physically. he did agree to sedation as he was getting quite agitated and she too panicked at the noisy breathing - he too also moaned/groaned and kind of shouted out even whilst he was under sedation. i wish someone had warned her about the cheyenne stokes breathing as she ended up ringing the hospital to say what do i do?! and then it all went quiet from the other room and she said - it's ok - it's stopped now and put the phone down (we can smile about it now as goodness knows what the staff member was thinking!). when my grandma passed - it was very peaceful - her breathing simply slowed and stopped. my mother in law obviously found it traumatic but is so pleased he was able to die at home and free of pain. i am sorry for your loss x

Four weeks have passed now since my husband died.

It has been stressful, reassuring, unsettling. From a practical point of view, it's going smoothly, the solicitor is dealing with the 'confimation' process (Scotland!). I had a few unexpected situations which left me convinced that communication beyond death is possible.

I am glad that I took photos and some video sequences during the final days, I've looked at them a few times. And I've spoken to the box with the ashes.

I am moving forward. I've picked a few regular activities during the week: swimming, started playing chess again (after 35 years or so!), booked a short art holiday. I have even gone back to folk dancing - first time was the hardest thing yet, as that is where we met. It was a good event, although I cried during my drive home. I've cleared out most things in the wardrobes. My Christmas project might be painting the bedroom, I certainly don't want to see others' concerned faces and sit through their Christmas as an "Extra".

Why am I telling you all this? It's worth trying to push yourself to leave the house again. Draw a line. Keep the memories but don't let it become a chain.Sticking to the past is not an option, you have to move on.

I’m so sorry take care of yourself annie x x

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