Cancer Research UK main site

Just can't adjust to life without my wife

ginga
Offline

Hi, its been 14 months now since the death of my beautiful wife and i feel just as devastated as ever.I still have bad dreams reliving her final moments in hospital and more and more memories seem to be flooding back.I am completely lost without her .Even though i have lots of offers from friends I'm just not interested in socialising without her so i keep declining. I have 2 amazing kids 23 and 21 but feel so lonely and the future looks so bleak.Is anyone else out there experiencing similar?

  • Offline

    Exactly the same lost my husband 11month ago and I’m always making excuses not to go anywhere it takes time go at your own pace I have 2woderfull children so I will continue on take care annie 

  • Offline

    Hi Ginga

    I lost my husband just over 2yrs ago this was sudden so quite a shock. I also have two amazing children aged 18 and 20 . I try not to think about the future you have to think about the day and try and love life which is extremely hard but I know that they would want you to live it for them for you and your children.  I do feel that this is my purpose to keep going for the children  .  It does help going out if you get the chance it's a big step but if you have good friends they will look after you. I have got an amazing puppy well she is 2 now she is my security  blanket she helps me so much . 
    your not alone 

    Victoria x

  • Offline in reply to victoria2424

    Hi, thankyou so much for your message.You are right about the children, they are the only thing keeping me going at the moment. So glad you have a dog, rhey are fantastic aren't they, we had one for 12yrs but she sadly passed away 2 yrs ago.I would love another one that was one thing my wife told me to do, but work commitments don't suit at present.You are right about getting out but i hadn't realised how couples based society is.I hope you have many fantastic walks with your puppy, all the best and take care.

  • Offline

    Hi - I am really sorry about your wife. My mother in law who is 80 lost her husband just over 18 months ago and it's really only in the past few months that she has resumed what she feels is a "normal" life. They were together since she was 14/15 so it was a huge adjustment and she was very down/tearful for at least the first year. Her children are in their fifties so probably more supportive/less of a worry than your own quite young kids are? There is no right answer but my mother in law does keep herself super busy - too busy perhaps? And she obviously is retired with lots of hobbies plus she had just got a cat not long before he passed and i do think it helps her to have the company and a reason to get up. It sounds as if you may have PTSD and it could be that counselling could help - maybe medication too? It is completely normal for memories to flood in. Our brains protect us from trauma until we can start to process it. I remember my mother in law saying she felt worse 6-12 months after her husband's death than the few months after. Just because the future looks bleak to you doesn't mean it IS bleak. Depression makes us feel as though thoughts and feelings must be true. Grief doesn't last forever - it does get better in time even if you can't imagine that ever being true x

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.