Hi
I have never joined an online forum before, but am really struggling and would like any advice/suggestions on coping strategies. Last January my mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer and had an operation to remove it. A few months later we found out it had spread to her liver, but she was having chemo, which has now been stopped, as she now has a tumour in her brain and it is no longer effective. The brain tumour cannot be removed. She is now in hospital being treated for very low sodium levels, as she was becoming increasingly confused/tired/unable to walk properly. She is only just 70. She may not have long left. The most upsetting thing is that after the operation we thought she would be fine. The mental confusion is also upsetting as it is like she is only half there.
I am 41 but not married and have no children. I have always had social anxiety so have no one I can really turn to. I live with my dad, who is 83 and has MS. I have an aunt, uncle and cousins who live nearby, who have been good with giving us lifts to the hospital etc, but I don't like to bother them with the emotional side. My dad is of the older generation who did not show their feelings, so gets angry when I cry. He is on my back from morning till night and does not understand how much I am struggling. He just keeps on about how she will die very soon, which may or may not be the case and just upsets me more. It is as though he wants her to die to make his life easier. I have a full time job, but am currently on compassionate leave. I can't face going back as the job is stressful enough normally, but also miss the companionship now my mum is not here and hate being with my dad all day.
I regret not making an effort to meet someone/leave home. I never really minded before as my mum and I were so close and did everything together (probably too much in hindsight, but happened due to all the reasons described above).
I just feel so lonely now I am losing her. The hospital hope that increasing her sodium levels will help clear her brain fog to some extent, so at least she would be more like her old self mentally, but this may not be the case. Does anyone have any experience of this?
Sorry for the long post, but just feel so miserable and lonely.
X
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