Sorry you feel so alone I lost my dad he was 63 and I'm in my 30s lost him in 5 week of diagnosis.don't beat yourself up we really don't know what life is going to bring it's good you spent time with your mum they are precious memories don't have any regrets you may meet someone new later to fill that void whilst there is life there is hope.not all men like the idea of crying so don't worry about that my partner is the same and he's young sometimes he's supportive depends why I'm crying other times he will say give up will you or are you crying again.when it comes to my dad he's good but other times he would say no I think it's some men are like that. my mum also has another illness which I know she won't be around long she may live another 5 year she's in her 50s anyway I'm waffling here to chat if you need

Hey

I'm sorry ur going through this. 

I lost my mum just over a month ago. She was taken in with tummy pain and was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. They did an op and fitted a bag. She came round and was told she was ready for discharge - went to pick her up only to find she had taken a turn for the worse. They said it had spread to all her major organs. She died a week later. Her passing was the most painful thing I have ever had to see.

I, like you, never had kids or moved away. We did everything together. It was always just her and me despite having a lovely step dad. He died around 20 yrs ago so since then it has just been the two of us.

I have no words to make this better for you. Just take each day at a time and get through it. I'm currently on medication as I just can't cope with the grief.

Keep talking on here and know you will get through this. X

Hi, 

So sorry to hear you are feeling miserable and lonely. Cancer is such a cruel disease. My dad has oesophageal cancer and has deteriorated recently and so I have been going back to my parents a lot - I live about an hour away but do not have a partner or children, and so I vary between feeling lonely living on my own and guilt for not being home to support my parents. 

I think talking on these forums are good. Know that you are not alone and can always chat to people on these forums. 
 

Rachel

So sorry for your loss x

Hiya Poppy,

Firstly you have done the best thing by coming on & sharing with others and seeking advice & support, am so sorry to hear about your beautiful mum an what she's going through, I totally get it. My mum was diagnosed with secondary brain cancer in august and we went through the whole journey with her.

unfortunatly we lost her 3 weeks ago an my heart is broken into a million pieces, Am 35 & I was so so so so close to my mum and no one else will ever ever compare or give me anything close to what we shared.

I can totally understand what you mean with the brain fog & confusion, it's heart breaking & it's like your watching a different person but she will give you blips of her and her little personality is still there I promise you it will shine through.

In a perfect world I would love to sit here and tell you a better outcome because the pain is unreal & it's not fair that anyone has to go through this, especially when it's your whole wide world. The best advice I can give you is speak speak speak to anyone you feel comfortable with, share every moment when it's possible that you can, I know it's hard because mum might be confused and if like mine she didn't even understand how poorly she was and sometimes was very angry when we visited at hospital because she didn't want to be there, it would break my heart into a million pieces, I really do feel for you but please keep speaking to people and message me for anything if I can share anything in anyway I would feel blessed xx

I will say my prayers for you & your mum x

Hi again,

Unfortunately my mum died on Wednesday night. She was given 3 months but died a week later. She had gone into a care home as my dad and I felt it would be too much for us at home, but I now feel guilty about this as she never had a chance to settle there (kept saying they don't care etc) and was unhappy about going in, although she later agreed it was for the best.  If we had known she only had a week we would have managed for this short time.

My dad and I were with her when she died and were holding her hands.  She was unconscious so am unsure if she knew we were there, although I know she had asked us to come.

I also know she was very upset and worried about what will happen to me, which I also feel guilty about.  I have assured her repeatedly since her diagnosis that I will be ok, but now it has actually happened I don't know how to even begin to move forward and just can't bear the thought of decades without her,

The speed of her deterioration over tha last few months (particularly the last month) has left me she'll shocked.  Dad still gets angry if I cry and has not cried himself (don't know if this is because he thinks he will be joining her before long.  He is always saying so).  He just keeps saying we need to get on with the practicalities.  I understand this but he can't even give me a few days.  My family who live close by are good, but I can't keep burdening them with my grief.  . They are also dad's side of the family so are obviously not as upset as me.  Mum had a brother who she was very close to, but he never came up to see her since she deteriorated and barely spoke to her on the phone even though they used to speak once/twice a week.  I don't know if he will come up for the funeral.  I think he is in denial, but I would have appreciated his support.

I have considered counselling after the funeral (dad is dismissive of course).  Does anyone have any experience of this at all or anything else that could help?

Sorry to ramble again but am feeling desperate.