Going back to uni after mums death

My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in may 2020, just before I started first year of university, she was adamant that she still wanted me to go to university. She started treatment shortly after that she had a chest drain to clear out the fluid build up in her lungs went for cancer treatment once a month at the hospital and had tablets she took everyday. She was looking better. So I went to a university which was about 2 hours away. She dropped me off and after we talked everyday via text and I called every once in a while checking up on things back home.

 

i went back for Christmas and it was like every other Christmas, she appeared to be doing very well, keeping up with her medication and going to appointments. 
I stayed at home in January until March because of the pandemic, that is when she started to get worse couldn't breathe properly, I went back to university for my practical course, when I came back home in April she had gotten at lot worse, couldn't move without pain, really hard to breathe, couldn't lay down, didn't want to eat, I suppose looking back on it, that's when I knew she was dying. 
 

it was my birthday during the holidays we didn't do much for it because of the pandemic. She went to a lot more doctors appointments during that time and they told her she would need more tests. In the mean time I went back to university for my final term of first year, she rung me and told me she was being admitted to hospital for another chest drain and to start chemotherapy - that was the last time I probably talked to her. 
 

My dad sent me a message saying that she was doing well in hospital and would be discharged soon, but in early may I got a call saying that I need to come back home because mum was not in a good way and that my auntie was coming to pick me up, I went back to their house and that's when I was told that mum was dying and that I needed to go and see her, the doctor at the hospital confirmed this and I sat with her until she died that day, that was the worst day of my life. 
 

i didn't go back to university after that as it was online and so were my exams thats i decided to postpone until the august. 
 

her funeral was nice - she was an amazing woman 

 

after she died, I felt alone she was the only person who understood me and I could talk to about anything. My friends at home didn't understand what I was going through but still tried to help me. 
 

i did my exams in August and I had passed first year 

 

now I'm back at university I don't want to be here, everything seems so pointless now, it's more in person now and I don't think I can do that, after she died I didn't leave my bed for a week I didn't eat, so now I don't know what to do.

Parents
  • I am very sorry for your loss. I am in a similar place to you. My Dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer October 2020 during my first year of nursing school here in the UK. My family is all in America so I was struggling to cope so far away. He died 6 weeks later but luckily I was able to make it home 9 days before he passed to say goodbye. I kept going with the course but it was really difficult. I too am feeling very sad starting this second year (it's also around the same time he started getting all of his tests). :( 

    I feel really lost but I think without this course I'd feel even more lost. Some days I can't cope with all the reading assignments and revision. I did let my teachers know what I am going through and they are really kind and empathetic to my circumstances. Congrats on passing the first year though, I'm sure your Mom would be proud. You're not alone in the 'dead parent club'. The more I talk about my Dad's death I am finding new friends who have also lost a parent, so I reckon the same will happen with you. It's nice to know and chat with people who have experienced loss like us. I'm sure you will make great new friends at Uni. I go on forums like this when I feel sad. I live alone so when I'm by myself I feel the grief the most. I found getting out of the walks is good for my head. I cry a lot and listen to sad music but am struggling to eat as well. I guess there is no guide for grief really. I did contact my Uni and had my first meeting with a grief counselor (usually the first 6 sessions are free) and I really liked her, so I am going to try grief counseling. Maybe you could too.

    I hope you have a good second year and all the best. Lots of love <3 

Reply
  • I am very sorry for your loss. I am in a similar place to you. My Dad got diagnosed with terminal cancer October 2020 during my first year of nursing school here in the UK. My family is all in America so I was struggling to cope so far away. He died 6 weeks later but luckily I was able to make it home 9 days before he passed to say goodbye. I kept going with the course but it was really difficult. I too am feeling very sad starting this second year (it's also around the same time he started getting all of his tests). :( 

    I feel really lost but I think without this course I'd feel even more lost. Some days I can't cope with all the reading assignments and revision. I did let my teachers know what I am going through and they are really kind and empathetic to my circumstances. Congrats on passing the first year though, I'm sure your Mom would be proud. You're not alone in the 'dead parent club'. The more I talk about my Dad's death I am finding new friends who have also lost a parent, so I reckon the same will happen with you. It's nice to know and chat with people who have experienced loss like us. I'm sure you will make great new friends at Uni. I go on forums like this when I feel sad. I live alone so when I'm by myself I feel the grief the most. I found getting out of the walks is good for my head. I cry a lot and listen to sad music but am struggling to eat as well. I guess there is no guide for grief really. I did contact my Uni and had my first meeting with a grief counselor (usually the first 6 sessions are free) and I really liked her, so I am going to try grief counseling. Maybe you could too.

    I hope you have a good second year and all the best. Lots of love <3 

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