My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in may 2020, just before I started first year of university, she was adamant that she still wanted me to go to university. She started treatment shortly after that she had a chest drain to clear out the fluid build up in her lungs went for cancer treatment once a month at the hospital and had tablets she took everyday. She was looking better. So I went to a university which was about 2 hours away. She dropped me off and after we talked everyday via text and I called every once in a while checking up on things back home.

i went back for Christmas and it was like every other Christmas, she appeared to be doing very well, keeping up with her medication and going to appointments. 
I stayed at home in January until March because of the pandemic, that is when she started to get worse couldn't breathe properly, I went back to university for my practical course, when I came back home in April she had gotten at lot worse, couldn't move without pain, really hard to breathe, couldn't lay down, didn't want to eat, I suppose looking back on it, that's when I knew she was dying. 
 

it was my birthday during the holidays we didn't do much for it because of the pandemic. She went to a lot more doctors appointments during that time and they told her she would need more tests. In the mean time I went back to university for my final term of first year, she rung me and told me she was being admitted to hospital for another chest drain and to start chemotherapy - that was the last time I probably talked to her. 
 

My dad sent me a message saying that she was doing well in hospital and would be discharged soon, but in early may I got a call saying that I need to come back home because mum was not in a good way and that my auntie was coming to pick me up, I went back to their house and that's when I was told that mum was dying and that I needed to go and see her, the doctor at the hospital confirmed this and I sat with her until she died that day, that was the worst day of my life. 
 

i didn't go back to university after that as it was online and so were my exams thats i decided to postpone until the august. 
 

her funeral was nice - she was an amazing woman 

after she died, I felt alone she was the only person who understood me and I could talk to about anything. My friends at home didn't understand what I was going through but still tried to help me. 
 

i did my exams in August and I had passed first year 

now I'm back at university I don't want to be here, everything seems so pointless now, it's more in person now and I don't think I can do that, after she died I didn't leave my bed for a week I didn't eat, so now I don't know what to do.