Hello

Im so sorry for your loss. I can relate to some of what you are going through. My mum passed from exactly the same disease a few days ago aged 72 having never properly started chemo due to infections etc and was only diagnosed in May. I am also an only child but have my dad to support now. Its all such a big shock and very hard to take in and, like you, I feel like life is pointless. Im sure your mum knew how much you loved her. Sometimes we don't need words to tell us that. Our mums just know. Please try take comfort in that. Don't feel guilty about not crying...everyone reacts differently to grief. I cry quite a lot. Crying and not crying are both normal reactions. Our bodies deal with the situation differently. It all feels very bleak at the moment but with time Im sure our situation will get a little easier. 
 

Al 

Hi Al,

I'm also sorry to hear about your mum too I don't know many people that have had the same type because it's so rare my mum passed on Tuesday so it feels like I haven't had time to adjust I just feel like it's happened then I have to plan her funeral it's just hit me all at once, I'm currently staying in my grandas because I can't face going home to all her belongings a few of my friends have lost their mums a couple of years ago so they have been giving me some help with coping and I think I'm going to look into some counselling in the next couple of weeks we used to tell each other we loved each other every minute of the day so I know she did know before she passed but it's my emotions that tell me that when deep down I know she knew how much of a special person to me I hope you're dad is coping as best as he can also. 

I think we are both in the very early stages of grief so everything is all consuming and feels too much. One of my friends who lost her mum a few years ago said that you have to experience all the emotions of grief to be able to get through it. At the moment Im trying to get by hour by hour and I just can't stop thinking of the final hours with mum. Its just a crap time. I hope you are getting support at your grandas which Im sure is helping you. 

Hi im sorry for your loss. Im an only child also and lost my dad 9 weeks ago. Don’t worry about not crying some people do and some don’t with grief. Even now I still don’t believe my dad is gone I feel ill never fully accept it nor do I want to. Id be the same and not want to go back to the flat alone it will bring back a lot of memories for you  and you will go when you are ready  keep staying with your gran for now. Its natural for us to think I wish they knew this and that but im sure they did I never got to tell my dad how I  felt near the end you feel cheated and frustrated you wasn’t given the chance but as Alun98 says she will of known how much you love and care for her. I know you didn’t get a last xmas but try and think of all the special ones before that and all the lovely memories you made. Counselling is a good idea and will help to speak to someone. I Hope your ok im always will to listen if you need someone

Hi Tasha-x18 

Im so sorry to hear about your dad also I want to go back to the flat but I'm just petrified about going grief is a weird weird thing you don't know when it'll hit you but I can't think of life and living without her Christmas was always a big thing with us we both loved it and now I can't even think about putting the tree up but I know she would want me to put it up, I just wish they would come up with a cure so nobody else can go threw this amount of loss and pain . I think I'm going to try cousnselling and see if it helps me  i still don't think this is happened I just think she's at work and she'll be home soon but that's not the case I know that deep down. Thank you Tasha-x18 this is the first time being on a forum I didn't expect people would reply to me but it's been nice to speak to people going threw something similar and same to you always here if you just want a wee vent or a chat take care   

Thank you. Yeah dont worry about the flat dont put pressure on yourself till your are ready. Yeah grief hits anytime and makes you feel many things its horrible. Yeah you dont want to do anything but make sure you put that tree up she will be watching down on you and will be here in spirit. Im thinking of getting an xmas baubble to put on the tree just something to know his with me. Its hard to see a life without them even when they was alive you always just hoped of that one cure to save them you want your parents here forever. Im upset my dad will never see there first granchild or see me get married all these things go on in your mind. I feel the same i feel his gone away and will be back soon, Denial is another part of grief. Just take it day by day its all you can do everyone says its like waves good and bad times and its ment to get easier tho i find it hard to see that currently

I need to pop down and get some pics for the funeral I think she will pay me a visit and shout at me if I don't have the Christmas tree up lol that is lovely that would be so nice to do. That's like me I'm not close to my dad atall so I feel like that was the only person I looked upto yeah that's what's killing me knowing the exact same but I think if you never forget them they are never really gone in some way you never really know when grief is going to hit you 

you will be suprised at the signs you get and strange things happening to you that make you think they are here with you. You never believe it till it happends. Thats true i think you worry you will forget them sounds silly i know we never will but your scared that because they arnt here you will. The bad memories take over the good so ive heard also and you do remember them in your own way and never forget x