I know you feel like you are alone but far from it. So sad. Cancer seems to be everywhere its scary. 

My husband was 57, fit and healthy before he got oesophagus cancer, battled it for a year its awful. 

Xx

I know it's scary if it's true that one in two will get it

Teresa was 55 always ate healthy lots of fruit and veg and salads  never smoked alway kept fit she was a picture of health this time last year then she too got Oesophageal cancer which spread to her liver that was diagnosed February and passed away last week.

I can't make sense of it how healthy she was and that she come from a family that's all lived to late 80's and 90's

i know it's selfish but I'm so angry and continually demanding an answer of why me , the reality is it's not just me it's everywhere and so is the heartache and suffering

Sounds like your dear wife had exactly same as Ian my husband. All he got was a silly cough, doctors gave him 5 lots of Antbiotics before finally sending him for camera down, where theyfound the tumour which they said was a mess. Further scans showed it had spread to his liver. He too started chemo which  first 3 shrunk it on both. Second 3 didnt touch it so they tried a different one and radiotherapy too which made him be able to eat more easily. Then end March stopped all treatment due to covid. He died in June. It was horrific to watch him suffer so much and be so helpless.  No words. We was married nearly 37 years together from teenagers, Im still lost a year on. And not sure how ive carried on tbh but you have to. It does ease alittle i must admit. And time is a great healer Gary. 

If you want to chat anytime DM me, no problem night or day.x

Dear all 

We come on here & there's message after message after message all of us feeling more or less the same, we all are just about surviving by losing our 'friends, best friends, wife's, husbands, mums, dads & so on' & all of it sucks.

The pain inside me is overwhelming & the fear runs through my body every time I remember my Kevin isn't coming home anymore. 
Like your partners Kevin was healthy & fit & this 'C' ate him away literally. 
He was first diagnosed with throat & neck cancer, had radiotherapy, chemo & an operation & got the thumbs up ~ the relief & excitement was unbelievable & then bang it came back in his next sitting on a main artery but the worse was yet to come it not only grew on the inside but it grew on the outside too (which I didn't know 'C' can do that) so it ate the side of his neck exposing his artery. I look back now & think how on earth did we cope with it all but you just do don't you. 
He was my friend for 33 years, 57 years old & we just had the best life together we laughed, got drunk, danced, cried, talked, niggled at each other, kissed, had 3 wonderful children & now it's all gone. I want memories but can't find them in my brain, I want to stop crying but can't, I want him to come & put his arms around me & say it's ok babes you'll be alright but that won't happen & so it goes on. 

Im holding all your hands guys & saying to you all we will get thru this xx 

Huge hugs to you 

Babyem

i feel so much empathy with your pain and sorrow what you've been put through and left with, I keep being told I'll get through this and all the usual things that are said to try and make me feel better but it doesn't im not even sure I want  to feel better without my wife. But then I look at my daughters and the pain they're in I just wanted to go with my wife not that easy or straightforward I know and my daughters said we can't lose you too dad we need you that is just about keeping me from teetering over the edge and hoping everyone is right that one day things will improve how I just don't know how. I feel I'm a coward I feel useless I should have got my wife help earlier but I didn't have a clue what was happening, i feel so angry and confused in fact anything negative is how I am I just hate my life right now. I wish for peace and happiness for everyone tortured by cancer but I feel destroyed and when something gets destroyed there's not much chance it can be mended 

Hi Gary,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your wife and I can feel your pain.

One of the worst parts of Cancer treatment is, just when you think things are going better for a change, Cancer has a habit of crushing you again, I really do know.

The pain is excrutiating and endless and I would love to say to you, that it will get better but I am afraid it doesn't. I was told that the depth of love you have for your wife, is equal to the depth of grief you are feeling.

The grief will remain but you will learn to cope better over time. You will receive lots of different advice on how to move on but please, grieve, you grieve in your own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no time limit.

Let family and friends in, and allow them to support you. I am not going to tell you my story but just to say say to you, if you want to chat, please message me on this site. 

As Babyem said in her easrlier post, grief is exhausting and tiring so please rest and look after yourself.

Hi Racey1

Many thanks when my wife was diagnosed she said we're in for a rocky ride she wasn't wrong and I fear my next journey will be far worse especially now we're not side by side. I'd like to chat to you separately if you don't mind ?

im not sure how the messaging side of things work on here so maybe you could initiate it ?

thanks again

Gary

Hi Gary,

Let me look into it.

Ive sent you a friends request Gary x