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5 months later...

Newlife101
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Hey all 

So i've posted on here quite a few times about my beautfiul mum who passed away after a really short diagnosis with primary lung cancer. I am five months on, and somedays were feeling a little easier to be honest, but this morning I had to go and collect her ashes for her burial tomorrow, and I honestly now feel like I am back right at day one.  I can't believe my mum can fit into a paper bag. 

I also cannot relate to anyone unless they have experienced this, I know that sounds really dramatic, but I am only 33, so I am the first person I know who has lost a parent, and I feel like there is an expectation that i should be getting on but i just don't know if can do this without her, i really don't. It feels suffocating :(

 

  • Hi Newlife101,

    I'm very sorry to hear about your mum and how you're feeling - I just wanted to send a reply to say that you're not alone and we're always here for support if ever you need it. I can see you've had lots of helpful replies before and hopefully you will again now.

    The process of grief can naturally be very up and down. It's very much your own experience and so there should be no expectations to feel a certain way. I'm sure that eventually things will feel more manageable - just keeping taking things a day at a time.

    If ever you feel you'd like to explore options for support, have a look at Cruse - they offer various resources as well as a helpline.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline

    I totally understand how you feel. I'm 33 and I lost my mum on the first day of lockdown 23.03.20 from secondary brain cancer. 62 seems so young!  She died horrifically and if I dwell on what she went through it's unbearable. I am the same as you... some days are easier than others. You think you're okay until something happens... a song she liked plays on the radio, mothers day, you think of something you want to say to her and remember she is no longer here, you have a baby that she will never get to meet ... and then the pain starts all over again. 

     

    Life goes on. People stop asking if you're okay. 

     

    But you can do this. It is suffocating and unfair but you can do this. No one said life was easy, and you will be the toughest cookie around. You will have bad days and good days. Hopefully one day, there will be more good days than bad days and the bad days will get less and less. 

     

    I hope you're okay xx

  • Offline in reply to LILTRUMPS

    I just had my first birthday without my Mum, which has disrupted the bit of normality I had. I'm 33 and it's been almost 6 months since my Mum passed. I am currently coming off antidepressants. I can't really say if they did help, as I was at my lowest when I started taking them.

    Yes my friendships have also taken some unexpected turns. The majority asked what I needed and listened. I have also formed some kind of friendship or whatever you might call with my Mum's friends, which has really helped me have some morw normal conversations. I believe it's also because they're older. I have distanced myself from two friends, as they believe that they know best and they understand. They haven't lost anyone close to them. I got angry at first, but now I just keep texting to a minimum and don't see them anymore. So far this has worked best for me. 

    I hope my message might help you finding a path that works for you. Take care x

  • Offline in reply to LILTRUMPS

    [@LILTRUMPS]‍ 

    Hello my lovely

    Firstly, thank you so much for being so kind and replying to me when you're experiencing similar, I appreciate it so much. 

    You're right, life does go on but right now it feels incredibly difficult. Especially when you go to big life events and you realise your mum won't be physically part of them anymore.

    I'm sending lots of love to you, and thank you again

     

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to PinkPineapple

    [@PinkPineapple]‍ 

    Hello lovely

    It's so tough at 33 without your mum. My birthday without my mum hit me like a tonne of bricks. It's so hard. 

    Thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it. Life feels very unfair, but we will get through it, we have no choice.

    I'm sending a huge amount of love to you. Keep going ️ ️ ️

     

     

     

  • Offline in reply to Newlife101

    You are more than welcome. Reading all the experiences on here has made me understand that I'm not a complete lunatic and that life changes in so many ways.

    I'm just so grateful for everyone sharing on here. 

    Sending lots of love back und take care xx

     

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