Hi DustyB,

I am so sorry for your loss - I can tell by your post just how close you where to your father. It also connects me to my own situation of losing my father, of whom I worked with every single day of my working life. I was 31 when my dad passed away of complications from a blood cancer he was daignosed with 4 years prior - my father was old school - didn't talk about feelings just took it on the chin and kept slugging on. He established a business 30 years ago which I joined full time after leaving university and we worked together every day - even after his diagnosis he kept a keen interest in the going's on and done as much as he physically could..dads health went up and down until the end - whilst we knew he wasn't well it was a big shock when it actually happened. Like me you seemed extremely close to your dad and perhaps would have preferred his company over peers or colleagues....the addded connection of work I think also makes our situation unique. For Weeks after dads death I felt a constant crushing feeling - the pain knowing I would never speaks to him again or have the comfort of his advice was almost consuming. I guess I was guilty of hoping he would be with us forever....

The old saying is that time is a healer - and that is very true - all be it difficult to comprehend in the early days. I think about my dad everyday - but as time passes the feeling of raw pain is replaced slightly - with a feeling of pride and joy at having him in all aspects of my life. Life can be cruel but there are positivies in there - I have a different outlook now for my own family and life - and seemed to have renewed my passion for the success of the business and the legacy of my father - work was a huge part of his life. 

please make sure to never be afraid to talk about it. 
keep on turning - things will get easier...

all the best 

kip 

Hi DustyB,

Another grieving son here, I'm 34, and my father passed away suddenly at 65yrs old 2 weeks ago. We thought he had a heart attack, because as unbelievable as this sounds, my uncle only died 7 weeks ago from pancreatic cancer. However the post mortem revealed he had liver cancer, and died from catastrophic internal bleeding - either caused by the tumour or liver rupturing - we don't know the exact medical details yet. The fact both brothers had cancer the same time is insane, and I cannot come to terms with it. And then there's his death to think about - was he in pain, was he scared? It really cuts me down thinking about it.

My dad to me, like yours was to you, a best friend and we were incredibly close. We played in the same band (which was his band), went to the football, shared the same interests, and we spoke every night over the phone - a tradition we started over the 1st covid lockdown and continued to his death. My dad's band is quite well known within the Welsh language music scene, and his songs are often on Welsh radio. I'm not sure I can ever listen to his voice singing again, it completely rips through my heart to hear him sing. Me and my dad also suffered from depression and anxiety, and we often confided in each other, and helped each other - now that's gone, I feel lost, completely alone. I preferred his company over my friends and colleagues, and maybe I relied too much on him. I dunno. 

The pain and emptiness is unbearable, I've said many times already that I don't want to live anymore. I have a partner and two young children, and I've been completely uninterested in them since he died. I just cannot fathom a future without him. Both sets of my grandparents lived into their 80's/90's, so to loose dad at 65 is very, very unfair. What did we do to deserve this?

I hope this feeling gets better, because I don't think I'll be on this planet much more if it doesn't.

DaifromWales

Similar situation with my dad unfortunately. Just over 3 months ago he was in the best shape of his life. Then he was diagnosed with bowel cancer that had spread to his liver. It was very aggressive and sadly he passed away just under 3 weeks ago. He only lived over the road from me and I'd see him very regularly even if just for a brief chat. He was a one of a kind as were your dad's by the sounds of it and it feels so unfair as he was 65 which is still young in this day and age. But I have coped reasonably well considering.

What's helped me is picturing my dad by my side and thinking what he'd say in every situation I'm feeling so bad about. I know he'd want me to carry on with my life as best I can. I had a gig to play a week after he passed and I was in no mood to play it.....but I remembered I'd told him about the gig not long before he died and he was so happy for me that I was going to be playing a gig after the covid thing had halted everything for so long. So I said to myself "if he was here right now he'd be telling me to go and play that show!" 

Your dads like my dad wouldn't want us to be down and miserable over them even if it feels like we should. I know I wouldn't want that from my family. 

Take each day as it comes - it will get easier as time goes by - I think when you suffer a loss like this it changes you as a person - nothing will ever be the same. 
 

The stages of grieving your dad will pass by and as they do your emotions will change and become easier to manage - of course events, birthdays and such are always going to be tough - 

i found comfort in knowing that whilst he would have loved to have been with us longer - my father had a good life of which was well lived - 

These situations cross everyone's door at some point and wile grief is unique you are by no means alone...

take care 

Thanks for the kind words.

The timing is making it very surreal. 7 weeks after his brother dying of pancreatic cancer, my dad dies from liver cancer. Two of perhaps the most deadly cancers affecting two brothers the same time. I just think it's beyond any comprehension and not sure I will ever understand or accept that.

Then there's my fathers' death - bleeding out. That must have been painful for him, and my dad was a very sensitive individual. It just breaks me to think he would have spent his last moments in stress and pain, it's so unfair, so unbelievably unfair.

Thank you all for your replies - its kinda reassuring to know I am not the only one suffering. I just thought 6 months down the line I may start to feel better but that isn't the case. I just can't comprehend the loss.. The thought of carrying on without him in my life anymore tears me apart. He was my go-to person, in and out of work. Literally just feel so alone, which sounds crazy as I have an incredible wife who has been so strong for me, and two young amazing kids (6yr old and  19 months) - who if it wasnt for them, I'm not sure I'd be able to get out of bed in the morning. People tell me to think of the happy memories of him. I have loads, but thinking about them just makes me feel worse. I struggle to look at pictures of him. Can't bring myself to watch videos of him and especially not ready to hear his voice yet. Of course I want to, but the thought of it scares me. We've just this weekend been to his home town to spread his ashes on his mum and dad's grave and catch up with his brothers. I was an emotional wreck. I really hope time is a healer. I will never get over the loss for sure. I don't think anybody gets over a loss. I just pray that over time things get a little easier. I really want to be strong and make him proud as that is what he would want me to do. I'm just not sure I can do it right now. 

Hi all, just thought I'd drop back in a provide a bit of an update. I hope you are all coping as well as you can? Its been 14 months since I lost my amazing Dad. Not long after I started this post, my wife and Mum encouraged me to seek help. I was prescribed anti-depressants and I can genuinely say they have saved my life. I had thoughts of ending my life, the thought of carrying on my life without my role model in it was too much to bear at times. I hated seeing the world moving on whilst I felt I was trapped in a time warp. I couldnt bear to look at pictures of my Dad, watched videos of him, listen to his favourite music. Since taking the tablets, the pain has eased and I have been able to carry on with my life, whilst still talking about him and keeping his legacy alive. I still hate the thought that he is not around to talk to, that he won't see my children grow up, and I can't look after him as he gets older (he always joked about me pushing him around in a wheel chair when he got old).

The "firsts" of everything were very painful and hit me hard, however I seem to be having more good days than bad, whereas before the medication it was the other way around. I still havent got my motivation back completly, however i feel I am slowly getting there.

I just wanted to let you know that, even though at times the world can be a dark dark place, there is light at the tunnel, as I am slowly discovering. It just takes a little time. Go easy on yourself. 

Hey DustyB, it's lovely to meet you though I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances. I am so so sorry to hear your dad sadly passed away. Death is so difficult to handle and there is no right or wrong way to deal with this, we deal and cope with it in our way. It sounds like you are doing a lot better now and that is fab to hear, I am so happy for you and proud of how far you've come ️ You should be so proud of yourself lovely xx

Please keep us posted on how you are doing. 

Sending you lots of hugs xxx

Love Jess xx