Struggling

It's been 9 months since I lost my lovely wife, Fiona. Fiona was diagnosed November 2013 with Breast Cancer, had 6 sessions of Chemo & many sessions of Radiotherapy and a Mastectomy. In 2014, we were told she had Secondary Breast Cancer, as it spread to her Lungs & 3 Vertibraes. Fiona was prescribed the first drug but it didn't have any impact so they changed the meds to a drug called Kadcyla. This worked well and Fiona remained stable for man years but in November 2017 they found Brain Mets and so she had 12 sessions of Whole Brain Radiotherapy. That helped and these tumours stopped growing. The last few years, Fiona struggled with her walking and would forget the ocassional word. We never thought much about it. Last year, Fiona's walking deteriorated and her speech worsened. Fiona was prescribed anothe 10 sessions of Brain Radiotherapy. It was proving more diffifcult getting Fiona in the car as I am a full time wheelchairt user. To cut a long story short. Fiona spent some time in hospital as they suspected her Brain had swollen due to the Radiotherapy. I managed to get her home with a hefty doses of Steroids. I had one month with her. She deteriorated so quickly, she stopped eating & drinking & I couldn't get her to take her meds. She died last November (2020) and I am struggling so much. I have been trough the many stages of grief more than once. I wouldn't commit suicide but pray that I don't wake the next morning. I do see a Listener (Counsellor) every 3 weeks & she is good but I still cry every day and hope I can be beside her again really soon.The images of her last days are imprinted in my brain and it is upsetting. Fiona was so popular, friendly and loved by many. When I placed a message of Facebook, over 230 people replied with their sorrow. My house is lonely and there are only so many times I can go to the shops. I have no motivation and life is so pointless. I don't wqant this pain anymore. 

  • Hi,

    I have posted a message on Gary's post. How are you doing?

    I am glad your home is spotless but if you are bored and have nothing to do, my home could do with a spit and polish. Well, it's Friday, the horrible weekend is upon us (groan). I am going to try and stay busy like doing shopping, along with everybody else in our town. My sister has asked me over to Camden for lunch on Sundayso that will bring me closer to Monday again. 

    I mentioned about chatting if either of us was feeling low but realise that, the other person may not read the post immediately or cannot get to our PC to reply so, I think that wasn't one of my best ideas. 

    I had a great sleep on Thursday.............................in my car. I went in to do my voluntary work in MK from 9:45am til 4:30pm and drove home after. I arrived home aroun 5:15pm. I reclined the back of my car seat to get my wheelchair out and leaning back, I thought, 'this is comfy' and woke up 6:45pm. Where does the time go?  

    So, I take it from you previous post, you have two daughters and two sons. Have you plans for the weekend? If not, you can meet up with one of your kids this weekend, and then another next week. This way, you want duplicate until a months time.

    Anyway, I have gone on too long. Take care.

  • Hi oh you do make me laugh with your sleeping you are clearly comfy:laugh:

    How has today been? I have deliberately made myself busy today. Town, cooked my sons some meals & delivered them on his doorstep, went over to see my sister, my eldest came over & my grandson & now home. 1 day nearly gone 1 to go, crikey that sounds awful. 
    I felt better than I did yesterday held it all together at school then floods of tears when I got home actually fell asleep crying  

    Soon be time for bed ~ happy soul hey!
     

    3 kids, twins 1 of each & another daughter who has a little boy who is 5. He keeps painting pebbles for Kevs grave :love:

    I hope your day went ok & you've got something planned tomorrow 

    Did you suss out the private message bit how to do it?

     

  • Hi Babyem,

    Today has not been too bad. Got up later than usual, pottered around the home and went out to M & S for food for tonight.

    I am going to my sisters house in Camden tomorrow for lunch. We get on really well, although, I was a little *** to her when I was younger. (I was).

    I think, that if we allow the pain and heartache to consume us, we struggle and cry again. I have tried to be a little more positive yesterday and today.  I have quite a busy week coming up. I am playing indoor bowls and catching up with an old work colleague on Monday. Tuesday, I am volunteering all day at my previous job. Wednesday, I am taking Fiona's mum to Hospital, as she is having problems with her Pacemaker. Thursday, I am at an Exhibition in Birmingham  amd Friday. more Bowls and catching up.

    I did find a way to privately message Gary by Friending him on a Private site. I have tried to help and chat to him to see if I can guide him in any way. It is so difficult, as I used to try to add my words of support and guidance on a Bereavement site but my Counsellor explained that I shouldn't try to support other people at the moment, as I am not coping and need to look after myself. 

    Well, M & S Fish Pie with Cauliflower tonight (yummmyy).

    I hope you have another good day tomorrow and a better week.

    Take care

  • Sent you a friend request hopefully I've done it right 

     

  • Hi Babyem, yes you have private messaged correctly and I sent a small reply. Have a day