Hi,
My Mum died almost a year ago due to a rare cancer and it still doesn't really feel as if it happened. I knew that she was terminally ill, but got such a shock when she died of a cardiac arrest early one morning. In some ways I was relieved that she wasn't on her own in hospital and that we were there, but I feel as if I wasn't prepared. I never said goodnight to her that night, as I was really tired and feel asleep on my bed. I just can't get over that. I work in a hospital so never gave her a cuddle for weeks as I was so worried I would give her COVID and now I just wonder what it was all for.
LIke many people over the last year, her funeral was tiny and I've only just started connecting with friends and relatives in person over the past few months. I don't videos of my Mum or anything like that and realised the other day that I can no longer recall her voice in my mind. It's really upset me, as she is still one of the most important people in my life. I am moving away to start a new job at the weekend and I know my Mum would've been so proud, but I am dreading being away from where I most remember her. I am currently finishing up a very stressful job in the health service and really feel drained and exhausted. I just feel as if I have been in shock for so long and as the world is opening up a little again, and everyone is excited, I feel empty as nothing feels normal to me now.
I don't know how to get through it at the moment and whether marking the anniversary of her death would be a good thing for me to do. I'm sorry to spill all of this out here, but just needed to share it somewhere with someone.
