Hi [@Tc2001]‍ 

Firstly, I am sorry about your father and the terrible time you have had over the last few years. Life can be so cruel, cancer is a horrible disease and the things we have to watch happen to our loved ones is just heart-breaking. My mum died of pancreatic cancer in March, and I was alone in caring for her - I loved her so much, and when she died I was devastated. Like you, I could not talk to my family and friends didn't know how to talk to me, so I just felt so alone. Speaking from my own experience, it is good to let your emotions out as much as possible, but it is also essential that you talk to someone about it, so that your emotions can 'really' come out.

After mum died, I reached out for bereavement counselling, and it really really helped. Since you are so young, I do feel that it is vital that you talk to a counsellor. They are amazing people and are trained to help. As the moderator here suggested, https://www.cruse.org.uk/ might be a good starting point. I think there is a phone number on there that you can call if you feel like it.

Also, people like me on here are all here for you because we have all been through the pain of grief.

Take care.