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Struggling to cope

Ncl85
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Hi

Not quite sure my reasoning behind writing this but don't really have anywhere else to turn. I lost my mum on the 18th June, she had been fighting cancer for quite some time however her death was still so sudden. She had been taken in to hospital on the Wednesday morning for some additional fluids to help with her kidney function so that she could have another go at chemo, she had previously spent a 2 week stay prior to have a stent put in place to relieve the jaundice which had suddenly appeared from nowhere. She was still so positive and despite being a weak, never complained about anything, smiled the whole way through and kept telling us she wasn't ready to go. Less than 48hours of her being taken back in just to have some additional fluids, she was gone, she was only 66. 
I went to every appointment with her and there was never a discussion with her oncologist that she was as poorly as she was, every discussion was around what else they could do and what the next step was in helping her.

My mum was my absolute world and I'm really struggling to cope with her not being here anymore, we did everything together, she was my first call in the morning and my last one at night, we had such an amazing relationship, we'd laugh til we cried, she was the only person who knew how to make things better and she's not here to do that. Life is so cruel, she was loved by so many people and never got the chance to say goodbye to everyone because of just how quickly she deteriorated.

I don't have many friends, more acquaintances who I would struggle to confide in, the only person I was able to really do that with was my mum.

I'm not quite sure where to turn or what to do, any help or advice would be much appreciated?

x

 

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... but that intense pain is because you had an amazing relationship with your mum ...

    My mum passed suddenly from a heart attack... no clue she was fine that morning ... just gone at 5.20 .. so that shock is quite normal ... esp seeing how close you were ...

    One thing that helped me was one of my friends ... they all just called her mum ... like yours a friend to so many ... she took me aside and said .. how if her mum lived to be 100 she would never have those memories I had ... she said her mum never bothered much at all with her ... and if only she could know what that love is like ...  so it didn't take my pain away .... but on those hard grieving days, I'd remember her words and realise there's so many not as lucky with their parents ... it helped ..

    But give yourself permission to feel what ever comes into your mind.... that first year is raw grief that cones in waves .... so know it's o.k , not to be o.k .... and know it does get easier over time ... but the missing ... that never goes ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

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    Hi [@Ncl85]‍ 

    I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, may she rest in peace. My mum died in March of pancreatic cancer, but unlike your mum, once she was diagnosed, there was little that could be done, and she died pretty quickly. Nevertheless, I saw some horrific things and watching mum die was terribly traumatic. In the days/weeks after her death, I found it very hard to talk to friends or family because grief is such a personal thing and I felt that no one would understand how I was feeling. However, I did find great comfort/relief in bereavement counselling, which helped me tremendously to get out my emotions and talk about the traumatic things. Now, I feel that without that counselling, I would be in big trouble today mentally.

    If you think counselling might help you, you can turn to your GP or checkout https://www.cruse.org.uk.

    Hope this helps.

     

     

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