Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... but that intense pain is because you had an amazing relationship with your mum ...

My mum passed suddenly from a heart attack... no clue she was fine that morning ... just gone at 5.20 .. so that shock is quite normal ... esp seeing how close you were ...

One thing that helped me was one of my friends ... they all just called her mum ... like yours a friend to so many ... she took me aside and said .. how if her mum lived to be 100 she would never have those memories I had ... she said her mum never bothered much at all with her ... and if only she could know what that love is like ...  so it didn't take my pain away .... but on those hard grieving days, I'd remember her words and realise there's so many not as lucky with their parents ... it helped ..

But give yourself permission to feel what ever comes into your mind.... that first year is raw grief that cones in waves .... so know it's o.k , not to be o.k .... and know it does get easier over time ... but the missing ... that never goes ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Hi [@Ncl85]‍ 

I'm sorry to hear about your Mum, may she rest in peace. My mum died in March of pancreatic cancer, but unlike your mum, once she was diagnosed, there was little that could be done, and she died pretty quickly. Nevertheless, I saw some horrific things and watching mum die was terribly traumatic. In the days/weeks after her death, I found it very hard to talk to friends or family because grief is such a personal thing and I felt that no one would understand how I was feeling. However, I did find great comfort/relief in bereavement counselling, which helped me tremendously to get out my emotions and talk about the traumatic things. Now, I feel that without that counselling, I would be in big trouble today mentally.

If you think counselling might help you, you can turn to your GP or checkout https://www.cruse.org.uk.

Hope this helps.