Completely lost

Hi all, this is my first post.

My husband is 40 and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January this year.  He wnt in for a whipple in March and they ended up removing his entire pancreas and other organs due to its size.  Following his 2nd round of chemo he became poorly, unable to keep anything down, and we have just been told that the cancer is back in several places and this is the end of the road for him.  To say I am completely utterly devastated is an understatement! I brought him gone from hospital on Tuesday this week, and whilst we don't know how long he has, we are

talking days not months.  He is no longer able to eat or drink due to the location of the cancer.

How are we supposed to accept this? I'm 41, we've been together for 22 years and have a 14 year old son.  
I am just so lost and unable to Comprehend what comes next.

 

  • Hi Susie

    I have only just joined the site as I have just been diagnosed with breast cancer.

    I cannot begin to imagine what you must all be going through and my heart goes out to you all. 
     

    I have no words of wisdom or advice I am afraid but wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. 
    Do make sure you are all accessing the support you need, make sure you are talking, crying (if you need to), laughing, making the most of the final days or months together. 
     

    Stay strong and I wish you the very best xxxx

  • Thank you Karen, we are doing lots of laughing and crying.

    I just want to know he's not in any pain ... 

    I'll keep you in my thoughts, I wish your journey goes well lovely xx

  • Hi So sad you find yourself here. 

    My husband was 54 when he got diagnosed and I thought that was young. 

    Just go with what he wants on any given day. 

    The pain is manageable with medication and as it progresses your husband will need stronger stuff hopefully with the help of his district nurse team that he should have. 

    I dont think an acceptance is to be found yet or that it ever can be found. Your husband is so young and this makes it all the more unfair. 

    All I can say is be there make memories, short videos, his voice telling you he loves you. The small things we might take for granted become the big things as time passes. 

    Take care

  • I am so sorry to hear this , you must accept all the help you can , make a memory box with your son , spend all your time with your husband and son , let other people look after you all. Don't refuse any help , it's an awful time and accepting it will be difficult , I was lucky I survived breast cancer but my husban has to now have chemotherapy for his stomach but we have not been told much yet , how long for , what type etc , still waiting to see an oncologist to get started. My thoughts are with you all as a family xx

  • Hi,

    My heart goes out to you. I lost my husband a few weeks ago after 18 months of chemo sessions, asites, tummy drains and it was torturous to watch the strong man you love and know be attacked by such a cruel disease and to become so ill. My husband made me promise not to break down in front of him because it would make him weak and he wanted to fight all the way and never accepted he was fighting a losing battle. I tried hard (even though I was devastated/panicked for the future and did cry most days and only had a couple of slip ups in front of him but I knew he wanted me to be strong too.

    For your sake, you HAVE to accept there is nothing YOU can do that can make him 'better,' which as a loving wife/partner/mum is the only thing you want to do, and I think in my case, it was a realisation that stopped me from becoming hysterical.  Put all your efforts into telling him how much you love him, touch him, kiss him as much and as often as you can, promise him you'll be strong for you and your son (even though your heart is breaking). Just love him , that's all you can do.

    The promises I made to my husband are the only things that keep me going some days, and I do rest at night knowing that I said everything to him I wanted to say.  Even this I look at as a blessing as a friend lost her husband in a road accident and she never had that chance.

    My thoughts are truly with you at this desperately sad, frightening, surreal time. 

  • Sending you so much strength, love and massive hugs. 
     

    I am sorry to don't know what else to say

     

    xxxxx