Hi there ...

So so sorry you lost your mum, but so glad you got to hold her hand at the end ...  I'm sure she'd be really proud of her girl ... 

I lost my mum to a heart attack 31 years ago ... I was 36 ... I never got to say goodbye ... but l just want to say, we never really loose our mum's... they go into our hearts where we carry them with us through life .. where cancer etc can never hurt them again ... yea we do get used in time to the new "normal" without them ... but we never stop missing them ... 

I'm lucky I still talk about mum with the grandkids and they feel like they know her ... so never stop talking about  her to whoever will listen ... or write her a letter and post it ... I do occasionally.... and we never know, maybe they post up there ... 

So be kind to yourself....know grief is your grief however and whatever you feel .. there's no time limit ... but in grief it shows how much they were loved ... it's o.k to have swings in mood ... it's o.k to laugh at a funny memory ... I've felt my mum around at different times in my life ... never when I looked for a sign .. but I believe they watch over us ... and every time you do think of the good times , I'm sure she will smile down on you ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Thanks so much for your reply, that was lovely to read and found myself getting emotional!

I'm 36, so lost my mum the same age you lost yours.

That's so true, it's lovely that you can chat to the grandkids about her and they will feel like they know her through you. 

I'm learning to accept the mood swings, some days I'm ok and others it hits me. Always unexpectedly and never when you think it will, if that makes sense.

May was a busy month, my daughter turned 1 the day before my mums funeral and then I was bridesmaid for a friends wedding a couple of weeks later so it felt very up and down but I think that's why I'm finally finding the time to properly grieve and reflect on things now.

Thanks again for your reply, it was so kind of you.

x 

Hi [@Mari123]‍ 

I'm so sorry about the loss of your Mum.

I read your post and wanted to reply as my experience is similar to yours. I lost my Mum to very aggressive lung cancer on 15th May. Like you, I thought we would have longer with her. We had to phone an ambulance for her as she was very weak and breathless one morning but she chatting away apologising to the  first responders for being in her pjs and joking that she hadn't had a chance to straighten her hair; she certainly didn't seem like someone who was going to pass away hours later.

I also lost my Dad many years ago and I'm in my 30s too. It feels so young to lose both parents. Adjusting to the new normal is hard isn't it? I don't think there's a minute that goes by where I don't think about my Mum. I'm trying to move on but everything is tinged with sadness, life is a bit greyer now.

I'm here if you'd like to chat some more. I've found chatting on here with others who have had similar experiences is helpful.

Take care xx

Hi there,

I lost my Mum too on the 8th June 2021.  On the 31st May (Bank Holiday Monday) she was taken to hospital by ambulance as whilst she was having lunch she had fainted.  Prior to that she had a lump under her armpit which she kept picking and made it bleed quite heavily and according to the ambulance crew when they arrived it had become infected.  She was adament that at 84 years of age she was not going to have any treatment.  In hospital they arranged a mammogram and they informed my mum that she had breast cancer.  My mum was in hospital for 9 days and during her stay she became dehydrated and her kidneys were not functioning properly.  She was on a drip to get fluids into her.  On the 7th June my Brother was with her in hospital as she was now unresponsive and had an oxygen tube in her nose.  I received a call at work around lunchtime informing me to get to the hospital as soon as I could.  Due to work I could not leave until 3pm and arrived at the hospital at 3.25pm.  In the meantime my Brother was still there and told my mum to "hold on" until I got there. When I arrived her saturation levels went up as prior to that her saturation levels were very low.  She knew I had arrived.  My Brother then left to be with my Dad.  I was with Mum and a lovely nurse.  All of a sudden the alarms went off on the machine.  The nurse told me that she had to find the ward sister.  The ward sister then arrived and put a face oxygen mask on her face.  All the time whilst this was going on I was holding my mum's hand, stroking her hair and talking to her.  All of a sudden I noticed her chest had stopped moving up and down.  My Mum had sadly died.   Her cause of death was given as breast cancer.

My Mum's funeral was yesterday (2nd July) and I am still numb and can't believe she has gone.  I will love my Mum forever but I am relieved that she is now out of pain.

Hi Kazza53

Thanks for your reply.

I'm sorry for your loss too, that sounds really quite quick for your mum, that must be hard coming to terms with that. 
I had a bit longer after diagnosis with my mum, although when I lost my dad it was similar. He went into hospital with loss of feeling in his legs, he was there for 2 weeks and then diagnosed with multiple myeloma and then passed away 1 week later. 
 

Whether it's quick or you have time to process beforehand, it's just always so hard when they're gone isn't it?

I'm so glad you got to hold her hand and talk to her at the end, she would have felt at ease with you there and you couldn't ask for more than that. Like you say, it sounds like she didn't suffer and for that you can take comfort.

Hope you are ok, it's still so raw, take time and be kind to yourself. X