I've posted a few times on here, but a little background: my mum passed away on the 31st March 2021, 7 weeks after diagnosis from bowel cancer, she was only 55.

I miss my mum so much. That feeling of emptiness never seems to go away. I think of my mum constantly, literally all the time, it consumes my mind, to the extent I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

At the same time, I still feel the worst part of my grief is yet to come. Don't get me wrong, I do cry. But I feel like it's not as much as I would've anticipated prior to losing my mum. I feel it's the calm before the storm. I'm currently in survival mode. 
I'm petrified when it does finally hit. I won't survive. Because the pain I am feeling currently, is unbearable within itself. 
 

It's just so hard. It's been nearly 3 months. 1/4 of a year. But I'm stuck in this limbo, this pain. I can't seem to move forward. 
 

I feel like nothing will make this better. The only thing that can make this better is my mum, and sadly she will never be able to make it better. 
 

I just can't believe she's gone. How am I meant to live the rest of my life without her? I'm only in my 20's. 
 

I miss her so much.