I miss my mum so much

I've posted a few times on here, but a little background: my mum passed away on the 31st March 2021, 7 weeks after diagnosis from bowel cancer, she was only 55.

I miss my mum so much. That feeling of emptiness never seems to go away. I think of my mum constantly, literally all the time, it consumes my mind, to the extent I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

At the same time, I still feel the worst part of my grief is yet to come. Don't get me wrong, I do cry. But I feel like it's not as much as I would've anticipated prior to losing my mum. I feel it's the calm before the storm. I'm currently in survival mode. 
I'm petrified when it does finally hit. I won't survive. Because the pain I am feeling currently, is unbearable within itself. 
 

It's just so hard. It's been nearly 3 months. 1/4 of a year. But I'm stuck in this limbo, this pain. I can't seem to move forward. 
 

I feel like nothing will make this better. The only thing that can make this better is my mum, and sadly she will never be able to make it better. 
 

I just can't believe she's gone. How am I meant to live the rest of my life without her? I'm only in my 20's. 
 

I miss her so much. 

 

Parents
  • Hey RSxo,

    So sorry for your mammoth loss. It's awful losing your Mum so young, 55 is no age... and you only in your 20s, I'm really sorry for you  

    Nobody tells you that bereavement (especially when it is a real shock) can be physically painful. Getting only 7 weeks to absorb the diagnosis before she passed must have been surreal. At only 3 months of having lost her (and at the time of typing this post) you must have been numb and still in shock. You probably now know, It will get easier, you will still hurt and you will still cry but you will survive. You will survive and you will smile again and you will laugh again.

    My mum passed almost 10 years ago in a tragic accident, she was 66.  Retrospectively, I believe I was in shock for about 2 years.  A bit of my soul died with her.  At the time I really thought I was going to die but I didn't - I'm still here, almost ten years on....   I found your post by typing "I miss my Mum so much" into Google because I missed her so much today and just wanted to speak with her and give her a hug - that never goes away.....  But I have mostly great days and I laugh a lot when I think of our conversations, her quirkiness and I wish so badly she could see my daughter now (who is so like her).  I talk to her (my mum, in my head) and imagine what her opinion would be.  Fact is, we were born of our Mother's, we lived inside them for almost a year, we are a physical part of them and them of us and - if you really consider it,  we are them - in a way. And in that very simple term - our Mums are still very much with us.  Your Mum I'd your Mum, that will NEVER change and you will ALWAYS be her daughter.  When the tears begin to fall, let them - you will survive and I believe your Mum is right there beside you ️  

    Wishing you so much love, hope and happiness RSxo ️ 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

Reply
  • Hey RSxo,

    So sorry for your mammoth loss. It's awful losing your Mum so young, 55 is no age... and you only in your 20s, I'm really sorry for you  

    Nobody tells you that bereavement (especially when it is a real shock) can be physically painful. Getting only 7 weeks to absorb the diagnosis before she passed must have been surreal. At only 3 months of having lost her (and at the time of typing this post) you must have been numb and still in shock. You probably now know, It will get easier, you will still hurt and you will still cry but you will survive. You will survive and you will smile again and you will laugh again.

    My mum passed almost 10 years ago in a tragic accident, she was 66.  Retrospectively, I believe I was in shock for about 2 years.  A bit of my soul died with her.  At the time I really thought I was going to die but I didn't - I'm still here, almost ten years on....   I found your post by typing "I miss my Mum so much" into Google because I missed her so much today and just wanted to speak with her and give her a hug - that never goes away.....  But I have mostly great days and I laugh a lot when I think of our conversations, her quirkiness and I wish so badly she could see my daughter now (who is so like her).  I talk to her (my mum, in my head) and imagine what her opinion would be.  Fact is, we were born of our Mother's, we lived inside them for almost a year, we are a physical part of them and them of us and - if you really consider it,  we are them - in a way. And in that very simple term - our Mums are still very much with us.  Your Mum I'd your Mum, that will NEVER change and you will ALWAYS be her daughter.  When the tears begin to fall, let them - you will survive and I believe your Mum is right there beside you ️  

    Wishing you so much love, hope and happiness RSxo ️ 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

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