firstly I just want to say I am so so sorry for your loss, losing your mum in such a quick period of time must be really really hard to cope with! I know it's hard but you're doing amazing trust me when I say I know how you feel

I'm 29, I have a little boy, my mum passed aged 68 due to neuropenic sepsis, she was diagnosed with caner in 2014, 2016, 2018, 2021, then in August 2021 she sadly lost her battle, just two weeks before my little boys third birthday, she held on for 10 days in hospital hoping to see my son but because of covid it wasn't possible, on the day she passed I took him in to say goodbye, she could only just move her eyes but she found us at the end of the bed, my little boy gave her a kiss on the cheek said love you, got to the door blew her a kiss said love you bye, I took him to the entrance (2 mins away from my mums room so his dad could take him as little one was getting upset) in the walk to the entrance and the walk back my mum had passed, she had held on just for my little boy.

it's been over a year and like you said I'm still waiting for the storm to hit, I cry and I get depressed but it doesn't feel like the worst has hit yet, and like you I feel like the only person who could make this pain go is my mum and its not possible anymore.

I'm a shell of a person now, the day she died she took my heart with her and if it wasn't for my son I would have done with her that day,

I haven't grieved I've just spent the last year full of guilt feeling like I didn't do enough I was her full time carer and I couldn't save her and this is my punishment.

I really really hope you find comfort I know it's hard to think but atleast your mum is no longer suffering, cancer is a vile desease and I've watched it consume people I love until they're unrecognisable, so as hard as it is please try and think atleast she is at peace and no longer suffering unfortunately I can't give any advice on how to cope with the loss because I'm not coping myself. but if you ever need to talk I'm here, I'll listen :) 

firstly I just want to say I am so so sorry for your loss, losing your mum in such a quick period of time must be really really hard to cope with! I know it's hard but you're doing amazing trust me when I say I know how you feel

I'm 29, I have a little boy, my mum passed aged 68 due to neuropenic sepsis, she was diagnosed with caner in 2014, 2016, 2018, 2021, then in August 2021 she sadly lost her battle, just two weeks before my little boys third birthday, she held on for 10 days in hospital hoping to see my son but because of covid it wasn't possible, on the day she passed I took him in to say goodbye, she could only just move her eyes but she found us at the end of the bed, my little boy gave her a kiss on the cheek said love you, got to the door blew her a kiss said love you bye, I took him to the entrance (2 mins away from my mums room so his dad could take him as little one was getting upset) in the walk to the entrance and the walk back my mum had passed, she had held on just for my little boy.

it's been over a year and like you said I'm still waiting for the storm to hit, I cry and I get depressed but it doesn't feel like the worst has hit yet, and like you I feel like the only person who could make this pain go is my mum and its not possible anymore.

I'm a shell of a person now, the day she died she took my heart with her and if it wasn't for my son I would have done with her that day,

I haven't grieved I've just spent the last year full of guilt feeling like I didn't do enough I was her full time carer and I couldn't save her and this is my punishment.

I really really hope you find comfort I know it's hard to think but atleast your mum is no longer suffering, cancer is a vile desease and I've watched it consume people I love until they're unrecognisable, so as hard as it is please try and think atleast she is at peace and no longer suffering unfortunately I can't give any advice on how to cope with the loss because I'm not coping myself. but if you ever need to talk I'm here, I'll listen :)