I've seen you've had a lot of replies over your posts ... from people that come on here to help others even though they are either going through cancer or lost loved ones to it ... please remember everyone that comes here is effected by it ... 

I've personally lost both my parents in my 30s .... this last 14 months, I've lost my sister to dementure, my uncle to Parkinson's, 2 family to covid ... my niece to cyctic fibrosis.... and lastly my 18 year old granddaughter.... who had her last 7 months filled with chemo, and radio and a stem cell transplant... to loose her young life anyway .but smiled all the way through ..... so I think I'm aware of the crule things life throws at us ... 

Cancer wants us to stay bitter and hate the world, so it can make us all victims ... it is happy knowing it's taken away our future and does not have any limits to how it wants us to hurt ...

So it's up to us, let it win and give up on living ... or stick two fingers up to it, and still look for and try to see the good in other people who try to reach out ... because everyone who reached out to you on here or in your life, has known pain and loss ... so yea my heart goes out to your loss ... but untill you reach out and be thankful you have people who TRY to help you, you will stay in that black hole of grief ... but only you can do that ... I hope one day you find that piece your looking for ... x

I've seen you've had a lot of replies over your posts ... from people that come on here to help others even though they are either going through cancer or lost loved ones to it ... please remember everyone that comes here is effected by it ... 

I've personally lost both my parents in my 30s .... this last 14 months, I've lost my sister to dementure, my uncle to Parkinson's, 2 family to covid ... my niece to cyctic fibrosis.... and lastly my 18 year old granddaughter.... who had her last 7 months filled with chemo, and radio and a stem cell transplant... to loose her young life anyway .but smiled all the way through ..... so I think I'm aware of the crule things life throws at us ... 

Cancer wants us to stay bitter and hate the world, so it can make us all victims ... it is happy knowing it's taken away our future and does not have any limits to how it wants us to hurt ...

So it's up to us, let it win and give up on living ... or stick two fingers up to it, and still look for and try to see the good in other people who try to reach out ... because everyone who reached out to you on here or in your life, has known pain and loss ... so yea my heart goes out to your loss ... but untill you reach out and be thankful you have people who TRY to help you, you will stay in that black hole of grief ... but only you can do that ... I hope one day you find that piece your looking for ... x

Hi Chriss,

I just wanted to say, what a wonderful response.

My wife died only a week ago, we have her funeral on Monday. I have 2 primary school kids who have lost their Mummy to look after and it would be so easy to sink into a bitter depression, but.....

..... we are still here, the kids have their entire future to live, I hope that I still have a number of decades ahead of me and so I need to choose - do I let cancer win and go under (and i entirely emphasise with the idea that there is only 1 person that you want to speak to, i would give anything for another hour with my beloved wife) or, do I try to make the most of life - well all I have to say is Cancer, f*** you - I choose to love and to live.

Again, thank you for such a will written response.
Simon

Hi there ...

We also have 2 primary school kids ... lass 9 and a lad 6 .... they saw their sister go through so much ... and our first thought is always them, and trying to keep "normal " as much as we can in their lives while our hearts break ... I think wer doing a good job of holding their tiny hands ...

If you want someone to chat or vent to, I pop on a few times a week ... let me know and I'll friend you ... I can't take it away, but I can listen and have so much that I've learned from loss ... please hang in there ... sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

Thank you for your response Chriss. I am fully aware that others on here are also deeply affected (indeed devastated) by it - that's actually why I post here and no longer discuss these things with people offline, who are not affected by it and therefore don't really understand. Getting input from people like you, who have suffered, has helped a little, and that's much more than I get anywhere else

The losses you've described in your own life are horrendous and I won't even try to say anything else about them because that's all I can say - horrendous.

It appears you've managed to summon some strength/grit/determination that I either don't have or don't have yet. I sat by my father and heard him howl and scream in pain; I could do nothing to help him. I have never seen such torment and suffering in a human being. That human being was the only person in the world with whom my soul was connected. So I find it difficult to find any peace whatsoever, let alone strength to keep going and see what else the world has to offer.

In theory I fully accept the wisdom of your perspective. In practice I am finding it almost impossible to take that approach. But thank you for sharing. I am glad to hear that you have decided not to let the losses ruin everything.