Hi [@Kimmyp]‍ 

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. I can relate as I lost my Mum last month to lung cancer. Her cancer had also spread so much by the time we found out that she died only 3 days after diagnosis. Like you, my heart breaks every single morning when I wake up and remember that she's not here all over again.

I've found a surprising amount of comfort on this forum speaking to people who have been through similar situations. Everyone has been so kind and can really relate to every emotion. It's comforting hearing from people further down the line than us in their grief who confirm that this grief does get more manageable as time goes on.

I'm here to chat if you need to vent or get anything off your chest. I don't have any friends who have lost a parent so find talking to others on this forum to be a good outlet for my grief.

Take care,

J

I'm struggling with the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to her or do all the things I would have wanted to do with her before she passed. We didn't even know her prognosis when she died, just that her scans showed tumours on her lungs; she had no idea she wouldn't be coming home from hospital, it all happened so quickly. I'm trying to take some comfort in the fact that she didn't suffer though and she would have hated us fussing over her and looking after her as she was a very independent woman.

I'm struggling with my relationship too. I get frustrated when he doesn't know what to say or do and I feel like I'm just a burden at this stage. Although I know there are no right words or actions that will take any of this pain away right now and people mean well; it's just impossible to know the extent of someone's feelings when you haven't lived it.

I often wish it would all go away too and in those moments try to think how my Mum would hate to see me like this. She wouldn't want me to be this upset or be putting my life on hold because my grief makes me unable to do anything. I want to live my life for her, because she didn't get to grow old and travel the world in her retirement years like she had planned, but it's hard to even find the motivation to get out of bed these days. Baby steps I guess.
 

Thiking of you and sending a virtual hug x

Hi @Kimmyp, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think it is a moment by moment process. My mother died from stage 4 womb cancer 23rd December last year. It has been the most horrible time of my life. I lost my best friend. I also have days when the pain is just too much to bear and living life without her seems pointless. She suffered quite alot for the whole of 2020 and was in a major amount of pain that left her immobile and couldn't seem to be controlled with pain medication. Im haunted with flashbacks of her suffering and finding her passed. At the same time I also feel quite numb to everything else going on in the world, the parallel feelings are quite exhausting to experience. You aren't alone in the way you feel at all. 

Hi Chrissyo

sorry for the late reply I really sorry to here this I totally understand the numb and exhausting feeling feels it like we walk around in a bubble my mum just been diagnosed with breast cancer to but she able to be treated for it so fingers crossed she be ok but here if u ever want a chat xx