20 days from diagnosis and my mother has passed away

My mam was diagnosed with secondary liver cancer last month. Her primary was of unknown origin. I didn't even know such cancer existed. We thought she had long covid (she had covid in December) she was tired, lethargic and had lost weight but we thought covid had affected her apetite. 

She started falling down and the investigations told us that her cancer was untreatable.

Her consultant told us she had about a month left yet here we are 20 days later and she's gone.

Initially I did a lot of reading on this site to find out more information and what to expect which helped enormously. 

I'm here now sharing our story. It's her funeral on Tuesday. We had 6 hours at home with her once she passed and I feel like I said goodbye yet I'm torn about visiting her in the chapel of rest. Im not scared I just don't want to have the pain of saying goodbye again. I feel its expected that I should. 

I don't want to go but I don't want the regret of not going either. I have tomorrow should I decide to see her one last time. I want to remember her before the cancer ravaged her body. Is it wrong not to go? 

Im 50 years old and I  remember grandparents passing and the feelings but this is a million times worse. I can't imagine life without her, she was kind, supportive, my best friend and her unconditional love was just as you'd expect. 

I hope that sharing my story helps one person who is browsing this site looking for answers or similar stories. 

Just one more thing I have found 3 white feathers in my home and 2 of my daughters found them too. Gave us great comfort to think she was near. 

 

 

  • Hi 

    Sorry to read your sad loss. I lost my mum I'm January I saw her in hospital she was sleeping and I can only describe she looked angelic no stress or pain in her face. I held her, stroked her hair, kissed her we weren't with her when she left us in the early hours we didn't know when I live a 2 hour drive away and believe she took the stressful drive out of my hands. We decided not to visit in the Chapel as that image would be the lasting one and if they had changed anything of the way she looked that's the image your left with I'm left with my mum peaceful sleeping.

    The night after she died in my garden I have set of old solar fairy lights that have not worked even with new batteries for about 18 months they came on so bright for an hour. My partner saw them and we both said its mum telling us she ok and with me. 

    My mum was my best friend too I'm 55 and then in March I got diagnosed with breast cancer I started chemo Friday. Hard enough still grieving for mum to now be fighting this battle. 

    Its not wrong to not want to visit her  because of what's happened I'm glad I didn't . 

    Wishing all the best 

    Love Louise x

  • Oh my, that sounds so familiar. My wife died on Wednesday, just 10 weeks after being diagnosed with secondary Liver cancer with unknown primary. We think it was the bile duct, apparently a really aggressive, silent killer - it was too far spread before we even knew it was there. She said in the run up that it's like I have long covid, exactly the same symptoms.

    With regards to the chapel of rest, I would say, just follow what feels right to you and stuff everyone else. I have been to the chapel of rest two times, for my wife's grandmother and my Dad - I didn't want to go either time, but went for others and regret it. This time, for my wife, it's different and I can't wait to see her (I'm taking her clothes tomorrow, so hopefully will be able to see her soon)

    I'm sure it's just yearning, but I have had 2 Poppy's bloom since she died, she always loved those, I have found something that we lost over a year ago and both were really upset to have lost, but it does comfort doesn't it?

    I hope that Tuesday goes well for you.

  • My heart aches reading of other peoples' sudden losses to cancer. I'm so sorry for everyone going through this pain right now. I lost my Mum last month only 3 days after her diagnosis. She had a silent, aggressive form of lung cancer that had spread throughout her lungs and her lymph nodes. Days prior to her death she was out running errands and still working. It's terrifying that cancer can take our loved ones so suddenly and unexpectedly. I'm trying to be grateful for the time I had with my Mum and move forward how she would want me to and live my life but it's really difficult right now.

    Hoping you both get through the funerals of your loved ones ok.

    Take good care.