You learn to live with it as time goes on. You will be able to talk about her without getting upset all the time, remember happy times with love and fondness. 

My mum passed away in January I miss her every day especially as I'm going through breast cancer right now. There are times I can sit and just talk to her photo and other times I cry. 

4 weeks is early days so don't beat yourself up.

Look after yourself 

Louise x

Thank you both for taking the time to reply to my post during such difficult times for the both of you.

[@lappy2301]‍ I'm so sorry that you had to watch your Mum suffer. I imagine that was indescribably difficult. My Mum passed away very suddenly, only 3 days after her diagnosis. She had only been feeling poorly 2 weeks before her diagnosis, but nothing severe enough to stop her with daily life. She was still out and about running errands and going to work. The shock and suddenness of all this for me has been the hardest, as I can't get my head around how someone could have such an aggressive form of cancer and not know until it was too late. I find myself mostly grieving for the life she lost, it's unfair she didn't get to grow old. She also missed the birth of her granddaughter, born the day after her funeral.

Like you, my Mum was my best friend. My Dad died 16 years ago, my older siblings have families of their own but I don't, so it felt like Mum and I were our own wee team. I don't know how I'm going to navigate the rest of my life without her. There's been so many things I've wanted to talk to her about over this past 4 weeks already.

I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to get on with life as if she didn't exist. If I've laughed over something recently I've then burst into tears immediately after as I felt guilty for laughing when she doesn't get to ever again. I also tried to have a coffee with a friend and ended up having a panic attack in the cafe as it just felt too 'normal' a thing to do after her passing. I'm on a waiting list for grief counselling sessions I hope will help with this as I simply don't know how to even begin to move on or cope without her.

I hope you have people around you to support you and that you're trying to get some sleep and look after yourself. Please do reach out to me if you need to talk or vent.

Take good care,

J

Im so sorry to hear of your mums sudden passing. My dad died suddenly age 38 almost 30 years ago now , I used to hate how I never got to say bye but after 27 month diagnosis with mumsnd many years suffering it's a blessing in disguise. I wish no one had to suffer nor encounter the pain of watching your loved one and not a thing you can do to help them . hope you hear about the counciling session soon !  I hear it can help in a lot of ways so I'd be happy to accept that also should my doc suggest it and if not I will ask about it too. life is hard I completely get what you mean about acting normal . Last night I was fed up and needed away from everyone/ everything I decided to go to the bingo . When I got there after a wee while I was overwhelmed with emotion as this was something me and mum done together . Out of the blue a wee woman came over and put a few wee sweets on my table and walked away it was so sweet I didn't know this woman but she sensed I needed a wee bit of love ️ Maybe her ? Maybe mum?  Stay strong be nice to keep in touch xx