I've literally just posted. I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my gorgeous mom in April and I'm honestly so distraught.

I understand completely how you feel. I was in complete shock, numb and in denial until recently.

Everything has just got me and I am an emotional mess most days. I didn't really cry properly for awhile due to the shock. 

My mom was diagnosed at stage 4 and lived a year. She suffered from start to finish really and I carer for her, worked and have two small kids. Thankfully my amazing fiance took on the role of a single parent lost days as my mom's needs increased. It's sole destroying.

I'm getting flash backs now of situations or hard parts of her leading up to her dieing and it's beyond painful going over it all.

She died while in my presence and that alone is consuming me how that happened. I expected it to be peaceful but it didn't happen like that. I'm traumatized and I would be surprised if I'm dealing with PTSD. I saw so much and handled so much and it's only now she's gone it's effecting me. While she was here I got on with it always putting on a brave face but now she's gone Im struggling.

When I realise my mom is no longer walking this earth it takes my breath away literally. I can't breath and I get inconsolable. I feel so sad for what she went through, how it all happened. I miss her beyond words so I know what you feel xx

JenM - you really describe the experience well.  I also feel traumatised by seeing my Mum die.  No one ever told me that death can happen like that, like a slow motion deterioration.  My Mum started sleeping all day, then eating less and less.  One day she could not stand and became incontinent.  The confusion and delerium then set in.  It was horrific and all the medical staff just expected the family to know what was going on - they had no compassion - I guess they see it every day.   
My Mum was an amazing lady, really competent and strong and to see her like she was at the end has broken my heart and I think that part of my heart will be broken forever.

liz x

JenM - you really describe the experience well.  I also feel traumatised by seeing my Mum die.  No one ever told me that death can happen like that, like a slow motion deterioration.  My Mum started sleeping all day, then eating less and less.  One day she could not stand and became incontinent.  The confusion and delerium then set in.  It was horrific and all the medical staff just expected the family to know what was going on - they had no compassion - I guess they see it every day.   
My Mum was an amazing lady, really competent and strong and to see her like she was at the end has broken my heart and I think that part of my heart will be broken forever.

liz x