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Finding it so hard

Sam1977
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Hi 

im not really sure what I want to say but feel this is probably the only place anyone will really understand.

i lost my beautiful Mum just over 3 weeks ago to lung cancer. We only had the diagnosis 3 weeks before that.

I cared for my Mum through those short 3 weeks and was with her right up until the very end. I obviously was devastated to lose her but kept myself busy with arranging the funeral and sorting everything my Dad needing doing.

We laid her to rest 2 days ago & now I think maybe the grief has hit me properly, I feel like my heart it being ripped out & I have absolutely no interest in anything. All I want to do is go sit by her graveside which I know can't be healthy.

Like I said I'm not really sure why I felt posting here was going to help but I just felt I needed to get it out somewhere that people would understand x

Parents
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    Hi 

    My mum died on Thursday morning.  She had lung cancer, diagnosed in Nov 2019. She was admitted to hospital 6 weeks ago with an infection, and we were told 2 weeks ago there was nothing more they could do.  She wanted to come home and I am so relieved we were able to do this. My brother, dad and I did everything we could to take care of her for the first week home, and we were able to have important conversations, with nothing left unsaid.  For the last 4 days of her life she was sleeping or sedated, and we had hospice at home in to support us.  Whilst this is as mum would have wanted and should feel a comfort, I still feel such  terrible physical pain and anxiety, unlike anything I've ever felt. I can't stop crying. A few days before she died she put her tiny, thin arms around my neck and said "I love you so." And it breaks my heart when I think about it. I am longing for my mum.  I know this is early on in the grieving process, but I feel physical pain. My mouth has ulcers, I feel like I have flu, I am so tired but cannot sleep. I am wondering what the point really is of all of this.  I don't know how to be without my beautiful mum. 

Reply
  • Offline

    Hi 

    My mum died on Thursday morning.  She had lung cancer, diagnosed in Nov 2019. She was admitted to hospital 6 weeks ago with an infection, and we were told 2 weeks ago there was nothing more they could do.  She wanted to come home and I am so relieved we were able to do this. My brother, dad and I did everything we could to take care of her for the first week home, and we were able to have important conversations, with nothing left unsaid.  For the last 4 days of her life she was sleeping or sedated, and we had hospice at home in to support us.  Whilst this is as mum would have wanted and should feel a comfort, I still feel such  terrible physical pain and anxiety, unlike anything I've ever felt. I can't stop crying. A few days before she died she put her tiny, thin arms around my neck and said "I love you so." And it breaks my heart when I think about it. I am longing for my mum.  I know this is early on in the grieving process, but I feel physical pain. My mouth has ulcers, I feel like I have flu, I am so tired but cannot sleep. I am wondering what the point really is of all of this.  I don't know how to be without my beautiful mum. 

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