Hi A,

I hope you are well, and I'm terribly sorry to hear about your dad. 
 

I couldn't pass by and not comment, as I'm in a similar situation. My dad has recently been diagnosed with bone and lung cancer, and I cannot describe how much it hurts. It physically pains me to even think about my life or my future without my dad in it, whenever I do I feel like my heart is going to explode with pain. 
 

My dads treatment hasn't started yet, which is frustrating. He has some kidney issues which they need to sort out first, before they can start any chemotherapy. As you said, it feels like we are waiting a lifetime for them to start treatment. 

I don't really know how to cope with it. I don't know how to be strong. I don't know what to say or do. I don't know what the future holds - All these things I don't know absolutely terrify me. 
 

I just wanted to comment to reassure you that you are not alone.  All we can do is stay positive, and stay strong for our wonderful, wonderful fathers.

xx

My dad was diagnosed last year with lung cancer, he passed away on 27th January.  From the moment I knew it was terminal I realised we would have to face losing him, and like you I was totally unprepared for that.  He was always there for me, was my biggest critic and at the same time supporter.  My dad was always able to do anything he set his mind to and I couldn't comprehend he would die.

Initially I felt I should be brave and not emotional but that wasn't who I am.  I explained my tears were those of love and we talked about what lay ahead in stages as he brought up the subject, we didn't shy away from it.  We were fortunate that Covid isn't in our community and we didn't have to distance, I was able to attend his doctors appointments and ask the questions he didn't feel able to.  Do ask them questions if you can, it can help when you're talking with family after appointments or treatment, so much happens in appointments that you simply forget the moment you walk out of the room.  My dad was like yours, talking of full recovery and asking why him... that part wasn't important but we tried to be honest with ourselves that time was limited and that we would be there for him. 

When he passed away we were together and I tried to focus on the fact that his illness had been brief and that he did not suffer.  Make the most of the time you have left, tell him you love him - he really needs to hear that, even if its by phone. Get your children to draw pictures, maybe film them so he can share their day when he feels up to it.   

You can do this; sadly there are plenty of people out there who are on their own cancer journey, do reach out, sharing can really ease the pain.  Take small steps and each day at a time.  Although you might not be able to do outings or "big" things take pleasure in the small things, one of the last things I did with both my parents was enjoy a milkshake with them which may not seem much but is as much a memory to share as my wedding day.

take care, we're thinking of you x

L