Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 3 replies
  • Views 384 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Will it ever be just a little bit ok again after losing Mum

Beachgirl81
Offline

I lost my Mum back in October 2020. My Mum had Myeloma, treatments weren't working but we were all holding out for one last try with another drug.

My Mum had been admitted to hospital in the September days after her 60th birthday because of pain in her abdomen which we discovered was due to the cancer attacking her liver. The outlook was looking ok and Mum was expected to come home so I went on a planned holiday with my husband and children thinking when I returned I would be able to see her and she could come home.  A few days into the holiday I got a call from my Dad asking me to come home. My Mums liver was untreatable and my Mum had a few days left. We were packed and left within an hour and confused, having to explain to my children why we had to go home I just couldn't comprehend any of it.

I went straight to the hospital that day a Wednesday  and I was allowed to stay with my Mum with my sisters and I stayed by her side morning until night. We fought to get my Mum home and put up the Christmas tree early because that's all my Mum wanted. We got my Mum home on the Friday and they stopped her medication. Very confused and in and out of sleep my Mum saw the Christmas tree and all of her grandchildren. My mum died on the Saturday. 
 

everyday I wake and think it's a dream, everyday I wait for a text or a phone call to say it's ok everything is fine I'm coming home. But I know I will never get that call and I will never hear her voice again. My Mum wasn't just my Mum she was my best friend. It feels so surreal and at times that she's just on a really long holiday. So many things are happening that my Mum won't get to see with my children and with myself. I feel like I am lost. I want to be me again but it's so hard to feel like me again because there is such a big hole in our family. There are days when I just want a Mum hug and when things go wrong for her to tell me it's going to be ok! 
 

when will it ever start to feel just a little bit ok again?

  • Hello Beachgirl81

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. Grief is a natural process, but it can be devastating and I can see from your post how much you're struggling with things at the moment. 

    Unfortunately, Covid and lockdowns have made the grieving process so much harder for many people and I know that we've many members here on the forum who will understand how you're feeling. 

    You don't mention if you've had any bereavement counselling or professional support since your Mum died. If not then I'd really encourage you to get in touch with an organisation called Cruse who are able to offer bereavement support. It really can help to have a safe space to talk things through with someone. 

    There will come a time when things feel less difficult. It's a cliche but nonetheless true, that it takes time and it is still early days in your journey with grief. Be kind to your Beachgirl81 and reach out to those around you for support. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Offline

    Hi Beachgirl81,

    I am so sorry for your devastating loss. Your mum sounds like an angel and I can't imagine how we ever get through the loss of our dear mums. 

    I am writing because only a mere few hours ago, I lost my mum too. She was diagnosed with bowel cancer and it had spread to her liver. We found out in February with all the hope for treatment but devastatingly, the cancer took over without even giving us a chance to fight and my darling precious mum and best friend, lost this horrific battle tonight, too. I am sat with my mum now willing her to wake up, or hoping that I will wake up and this all will be the worst nightmare imaginable. 

    I am so sorry that I can't offer you advice on how to get through this, or promise you that things will start to become ok again as I really don't know how I will make it through myself but I thought that by sharing my story it might give you some comfort knowing that you are not alone. 

    Reading your story was like reading my own feelings. Our hearts are broken and I am not sure they will ever heal but it sounds like you have a wonderful family around you. Try to remember your mum lives on in you and your children. She will be with you forever, guiding you, loving you and watching over you and your children always. 

    I am so sorry xx

  • Offline in reply to Georgie_R

    Hi beachgirl81. sorry for your loss.

    Will it ever be OK again. I lost my wife last July after 6 weeks from being diagnosed. yes I'm not as doom and gloom.as I was at the time of her passing. I can now talk about my wife without breaking into tears. but it doesn't mean I don't have the odd cry for her. No it's not the same without her. I know she'll always be im my heart and memories. I suspect you are the same you can rember your mum with love. and will get upset at times, Just think she is in heaven and watches over you.

    Again so sorry for your loss.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.