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Will it ever be just a little bit ok again after losing Mum

Beachgirl81
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I lost my Mum back in October 2020. My Mum had Myeloma, treatments weren't working but we were all holding out for one last try with another drug.

My Mum had been admitted to hospital in the September days after her 60th birthday because of pain in her abdomen which we discovered was due to the cancer attacking her liver. The outlook was looking ok and Mum was expected to come home so I went on a planned holiday with my husband and children thinking when I returned I would be able to see her and she could come home.  A few days into the holiday I got a call from my Dad asking me to come home. My Mums liver was untreatable and my Mum had a few days left. We were packed and left within an hour and confused, having to explain to my children why we had to go home I just couldn't comprehend any of it.

I went straight to the hospital that day a Wednesday  and I was allowed to stay with my Mum with my sisters and I stayed by her side morning until night. We fought to get my Mum home and put up the Christmas tree early because that's all my Mum wanted. We got my Mum home on the Friday and they stopped her medication. Very confused and in and out of sleep my Mum saw the Christmas tree and all of her grandchildren. My mum died on the Saturday. 
 

everyday I wake and think it's a dream, everyday I wait for a text or a phone call to say it's ok everything is fine I'm coming home. But I know I will never get that call and I will never hear her voice again. My Mum wasn't just my Mum she was my best friend. It feels so surreal and at times that she's just on a really long holiday. So many things are happening that my Mum won't get to see with my children and with myself. I feel like I am lost. I want to be me again but it's so hard to feel like me again because there is such a big hole in our family. There are days when I just want a Mum hug and when things go wrong for her to tell me it's going to be ok! 
 

when will it ever start to feel just a little bit ok again?

Parents

  • Hello Beachgirl81

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. Grief is a natural process, but it can be devastating and I can see from your post how much you're struggling with things at the moment. 

    Unfortunately, Covid and lockdowns have made the grieving process so much harder for many people and I know that we've many members here on the forum who will understand how you're feeling. 

    You don't mention if you've had any bereavement counselling or professional support since your Mum died. If not then I'd really encourage you to get in touch with an organisation called Cruse who are able to offer bereavement support. It really can help to have a safe space to talk things through with someone. 

    There will come a time when things feel less difficult. It's a cliche but nonetheless true, that it takes time and it is still early days in your journey with grief. Be kind to your Beachgirl81 and reach out to those around you for support. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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  • Hello Beachgirl81

    I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Mum. Grief is a natural process, but it can be devastating and I can see from your post how much you're struggling with things at the moment. 

    Unfortunately, Covid and lockdowns have made the grieving process so much harder for many people and I know that we've many members here on the forum who will understand how you're feeling. 

    You don't mention if you've had any bereavement counselling or professional support since your Mum died. If not then I'd really encourage you to get in touch with an organisation called Cruse who are able to offer bereavement support. It really can help to have a safe space to talk things through with someone. 

    There will come a time when things feel less difficult. It's a cliche but nonetheless true, that it takes time and it is still early days in your journey with grief. Be kind to your Beachgirl81 and reach out to those around you for support. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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