Hey [@Danny101]‍  i might not be much help but felt like I needed to comment and tell you that I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, mum and best friend, that must have been very hard for you, you are so brave. This forum has helped me so much I hope it helps you too. Grieving is different for everybody, some grieve longer than others, and there is nothing wrong with that, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. I am glad you have your wife and children to support you, have you spoken to your gp about some therapy? I am not in the same position you are in, but I recently lost my mum to cancer 6weeks ago, and I have been feeling exactly like you have, I kind of wanted to block out what happened to mum and didn't want to accept her loss. I have now had two therapy sessions and they have helped me massively. All we did was talk and I felt like I could actually breathe afterwards, it was a relief to have that weight off my shoulders. Maybe therapy could help you? I also didn't want to socialise and speak to my friends, but I eventually did open up to them and talk about my mum, and I've realised that they are also great support. Maybe your friends could help you too. I have a fantastic husband and 2 boys aswell, but I find it difficult to talk to them, I found it easier speaking with a stranger more in depth. Everyone has there own preferences, it's just about finding what's right for you, so maybe try talking with different people to see what suits you. I am sending you a huge hug and wish you well.

take care

Hi Danny I m so sorry to hear about your loss and as a man myself totally feel what you say . And indeed it's good to hear a guys perspective as as we all know mums are very special and we never quite anticipate they will go . I lost my mum to lung cancer last year and though married spent most days with my mum. Blessed financially that I could give up work to look after her and though she never discussed her predicament I know she was happy that I was at home with her and that even beyond my partners needs that I would look after her. I dont care that some may judge me on this as I think the one thing grief and especially anticipatory grief gives you is a true honestly to oneself. One year on life retains little happiness and to be honest and as an x social worker counselling tells you what you already know in your heart , so I have not pursued that route. What I found through this experience was the poor lack of genuine communication from all the health professionals albeit input from palliative staff towards the end . As i say its embracing to hear such devotion  and love expressed on here and i can only hope that  in time things get better for you. At best you gradually accept physically they are not with us but in spirit , heart and memories their footprint remains forever