Hello [@Mummypud]‍ 

I just wanted to reply to you, because I totally understand why you're feeling this way, but I think the fact that you apologised and ended up having a close relationship is what you should focus on (easier said than done, I know) but guilt can be a huge part of grief im told. Have you thought of maybe seeking some therapy? I'm sure your lovely mum would want you to continue your life and know that you were there for her when she needed you.

I'm a lot newer into my grief journey, but I understand how painful and how many really difficult emotions come with it. There is not a day goes by that I don't replay horrible things, or moody comments I made to my mum, but I try to just push them aside and think of the really lovely things we also said to each other. I don't think you will be alone with the feeling of 'what if' with your relationship in your younger years with you mum. I hope that brings you some comfort.

Sebding lots of love xx