Hi Ameliesunshine,

Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss.

This last year or so has been incredibly tough and cruel on so many people. I can understand your dilemma and your concerns - but ultimately you did the only thing you really could. If you'd broken restrictions and seen her, you may then have been worried about going against the rules, or as you say you may have risked passing something on.

It's easier said than done but try not to look back with regret - focus on the fact you did the right and only thing you could, and that this doesn't diminish your love for her. No doubt this person will have been well aware of your feelings and that you weren't doing it through choice.

Hopefully you'll receive further replies as I'm sure there will be others here who have been through something similar recently.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi, this too is my first post.  I lost my beloved husband on 1st April.  He fought bravely for 25 months against metastatic bowel cancer.  It had already spread to his liver and later lung nodules were diagnosed.  He tolerated his chemo really well,  every 2 weeks for 2 years. The first year we had a lovely time for memories.  We took the family Inc our 3 young grandchildren on holiday abroad.  Then covid hit. We had booked another holiday which we couldn't go on. We saw the children through a window for a whole year. The Sunday before Easter we decided enough was enough and we let the family into the house to give them a chance to cuddle pappy. I had no idea that that would be the last time they would see him. He went down hill so quickly and passed away at 5.29 on 1st April.  I am so glad we ignored the advice and gave him the chance to cuddle the most important people to him but I am also so angry that covid compounded an already unbeatable situation.  I am so sorry for your loss. I can't say anymore than that as its all too real for me too. Take care of yourself x

I lost my husband on 12th December 2020 after a 3 year battle with kidney cancer and secondary's in his lungs and liver. Last august it went into his bones and it was awful to see him in so much pain. The COVID restrictions stopped us seeing each other on each of his times in hospital. We were together for 43 years since I was 18 I am completely lost he was my rock, going back to our empty house is awful. He did get to meet our 2 year old grandsons but only saw them on his iPad for most of last year. I feel robbed of all our retirement years we were looking forward to. I'm so sorry you lost your husband too it's a pain that's hard to deal with. Look after yourself x

I do understand, I lost my husband of 34 years on 11th December. He lost his voice in August and that was the first indication that anything was wrong, diagnosed in October and he died in December

it was all so quick, he died at home as was his wish, we had moved to be closer to our daughters during retirement but we had no time at all in our new home, we moved in November.  I hate going home to an empty house and feel robbed of all our plans 

And I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, we seem to have very similar stories as John was my first loss, it's the emptiness and silence at home that makes it so hard to bear

Having to say goodbye in a hospital during this pandemic must have been so very lonely, isolating and heartbreaking for you. The one comfort I have was that John passed away in our new home where he so wanted to be. I love the new bungalow but I almost resent it as he is not here to share with me the plans we made. 
I am new to this so I don't quite understand when you say feel free to add me? Talking to someone who is going through the same ordeals challenges and sorrow is so helpful

Thinking of you too, and hoping we can get stronger 

Our stories are very similar we bought our retirement bungalow 5 years ago and then in 2017 Kevin was diagnosed so he only had one healthy year in it. I love being at home but like you I almost resent it too as everywhere I look there's reminders of things he'd done and things he used like his mugs. You can't actually see a way of getting past the ache of missing him can you? When I said about adding me sorry if it confused you. I've added you as a friend if you wish to accept my request but I don't want to pressure you. 

Take care