Your post made me cry, honestly. I cannot even begin to imagine how tough it is to be pregnant while caring for your mum throughout her diagnosis, but I do understand how painful it is to loose your mum, and especially so young, and this something I am somehow trying to cope with on a daily basis too. 

I'm sure your mum would be so incredibly proud of you, you sound so loving and caring and this is something you will be able to share with your new arrival. 

I just wanted to reply and tell you that I am thinking of you, and sending lots of strength. You will find this forum a huge amount of support, people are so kind and will understand the pain you're feeling at the moment.

Lots of love to you xxx

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and reply to my post Newlife101. I really am grateful for your kind words.

I am so sorry that you have also lost your mum at a young age, it is not something you would ever wish to have in common with someone, however, it does feel good to be able to share feelings with others in a similar situation. I think what is really difficult in all this is how unquie the expirence of grief and loss is to each person and in turn how lonely that can feel even with a lot of love around you, no one 'really' knows do they?

Hoping the next few weeks and months are kind to you. X

Hi TKN, 

When I was pregnant and losing my dad, I turned here wishing I could find someone in my exact position to help. 

Read my profile for full story, but in short, I was 31 and dad 58. I found out I was having their first grandchild at an early scan (after a miscarriage) the same week that they found my dads tumour. The whole process of pregnancy was horrible, I was grieving my dad that was still here, I was petrified trying to second guess what would happen and when. 
Never in a million years did I think dad wouldn't be here, we even pulled our wedding forward to what ended up being 5 months after he died. Sometimes writing this it still doesn't feel real. 
Dad was the only person that found out it was a little boy, he chose the girls and boys name. My dad went to sleep on Friday 22nd March 2019, we buried him 2nd April and exactly 2 weeks after he went to sleep our baby arrived. 
Those weeks and months are a terrible blur, but I do know that our little boy was the only thing that kept my family going. 

I am here if you want to private message me, I had so many questions just like you. I'm 2 years on so I can promise you that you will feel better xxx 

I am so grateful for your reply sunshine1987.

Even reading your story with the similarities we share and knowing you are 2 years on gives me so much comfort. I am so sorry for your loss and the experience you had with your pregnancy. I am finding people have soon forgotten my grief (despite being only 4 weeks on!) and now focus so much on the baby - which is of course loving and kind, and I suppose only natural to want to talk about 'happy' things as opposed to the awful grief that is happening at the same time. It is such a bitter sweet situation but I wish people could understand a bit more. The 'happy' of my pregnancy and child does not overide or cancel out the pain of this grief.

To have such intense happy and sad emotions during this time feels very surreal and not how I imgained my first pregnancy, however, I am a hoping this is all part of a plan, and perhaps, like your experience, will keep the family going and bring some much needed joy to us all. 

Hey,

just reading your above post is making me well up, in a horrible but hopeful way I was hoping to find a post like this as it's so similar to what I'm currently experiencing. 
 

My Mum's cancer diagnosis, scans and appointments have all been looked at within the last month or so, terminal with only a couple of months left which is how long I have to go to Welcombe my baby into the world too. :( I feel so torn a little like you, because I feel that having a child is such a blessing but equally when I'm due is when I've also been told Mum's life expectancy will last until. I'm so emotional, I'm trying to keep it together for my child's sake (I have a toddler) and my unborn child but it's so hard, my Mum is in her mid 50s and I just can't help but feel emotional when I see other young grandparents welcoming their grandchildren into the world or seeing all the things that they're up to etc. 
 

All I keep focusing on is trying to imagine what life will be like in the next few months and when the baby grows up to always remind the children of who Mum was, show lots of pictures, show videos and just keep her legacy going. I'll parent in a similar way to Mum and that brings me comfort too as I know there will always be a part of her there. 
 

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it really isn't fair, it's such a whirlwind or emotions isn't it? Like being on a rollercoaster ride of hormones and emotions - you'll be the most caring and loving Mother, it's not going to be easy but I'm sure you'll have beautiful moments ahead too xx

Hi Sunshine,

Your message above to TKN has really brought some comfort to me. How did you manage to cope in the newborn stage? 

We also changed our wedding to get Married so that Mum could be there and she was but only for the ceremony as she was too poorly, but now I'm unsure if (hoping and praying she's here for when the baby arrives although I've not said that to her as don't want to apply any pressure) she will be here. I'm just so concerned how I'll cope with the grief (which I feel like I'm already going through), the hormones, a toddler and a newborn - I feel like people will be so pleased for a new addition whilst I'll be sat there numb to the world. I loved maternity the first time around but this time I'm so scared lll feel so down all the time... does it get better or easier? Is there this strength that will just help with all this? 

Sorry for all the questions and thank you! X

I found it so difficult watching everyone 'move on', my husband included. I was sitting there with a huge hole in my heart that had shattered me, yet was expected to just get on with a new baby and be so happy and excited. 
In all honestly I barely thought about the baby, but maybe because it was all so close. You still have time to deal with your grief and try to have some excitement and happiness at the same time, easier said than done I know. 
I worried SO much that I was affecting the baby with all my tears and was convinced there would be something wrong when he was born, of course he was absolutely fine and in fact the most amazing chilled out baby which I believe came from dad :) 

There is no taking away from the fact that this time for you will never be how it should have been, everything from now on will be tarnished with sadness, but that is only natural when you lose someone you love so much. 

I absolutely promise you as soon as that baby is born, you will have something else to consume your thoughts as well as your mum and you will get though it all with a heavy heart xx  

Hi MMMVDU,

Please firstly accept my apolgoies for taking such a long time to reply to your post, I have had a difficult few weeks and really didn't feel I was in the best headspace to offer any comfort or advice.

I hope you are doing as well as you can be. The only blessing (and, equaly, overwhelming curse)  I found of a terminal dianosis was the 'gift' of time, in the sense that you know your time together is limited and therefore know the value of your time spent together. I, of course, use the word gift very lightly. I hope you are able to enjoy whatever time you have left together.

I completely agree with the idea of keeping our mum's alive by talking about her with our children. I want them to truly know their Nan (despite unfortunately never meeting her) and I am lucky that I do have some lovely neice's that will hopefully be able to tell my child about what a lovely Nan she was. Although do be aware, I have been reminded this week that not everyone feels this way.. I bumped into a family friend this week and explained in conversation that I wanted to keep her memory alive etc, to which he replied 'that's not always the best way though is it..?'..... I'm constantly reminded throughout these first few weeks without her just how strange people's opinions are and how quickly they can expect you to be 'ok'. I think a lot of this comes down to people not really knowing what to say or how to approach you themselves, or atleast that is what I hope!!

I think this sort of thing happening to you really does shape you. I haven't felt the same since she was diagnosed and the world as you know it just doesn't exist anymore. I found her diagnosis to her passing a really really difficult time so please be kind to yourself. I think it is difficult for people to understand this in between phase without going through it themselves, it is a whirlwind as you say.

One thing I did with my mum before she passed was complete this book: Dear Grandma, from you to me. www.fromyoutome.com/dear-grandma-sketch-collection.html It was a really nice way of spending time together and getting to ask the important questions and have them all in one place. And I hope that it will make my child feel closer to my mum knowing that we did this for them. (My best friend bought this for me after I had shared how painful it was knowing my mum wouldn't be here to meet my children.. strangely I had no idea I was pregnant or would be in a few months when I first recieved/started completeling this book, it was very much for my future children, so it feels even more special now). 

Sending you and your mum my best wishes. I hope you are able to create some loving and lasting memories during this time XX

Thank you so much, these are such kind and comforting words. It is a great comfort to hear them from someone that has had a similar expirence and can acknowldege that feeling of not quite completeness.

Even in these past few weeks, I have been able to feel much more excited than I have been. Although I am still amazed at how many people are unable to see how traumatic it is to expirence parental grief and  pregnancy at the same time! I guess they are the lucky ones. XX