Hi Lauraw23,

I am just so, so, so sorry for your loss. Losing your closest loved ones is just the worst. I lost my beloved Nanny a week yesterday to ovarian cancer. She battled it for 4 years and the end came so fast. The last month she was in hospital so much and it was so traumatic not knowing what was happening and learning it was terminal. Mum and I did everything for her and lived with her also. I am so desperately lost with the thought of not having her with me in my life. She was our everything. Please know you are not alone and I would love to chat more to you. I would definitely suggest reaching out to Cruse or else your GP who can navigate you through the right channels to a counsellor. I myself am in the process of doing this currently. Cancer is such a cruel disease and takes a bit of your beloved away each day, and it truly leaves an ache in your soul nobody can understand unless they've experienced it firsthand. I honestly feel numb to my core with my loss, it's just a terrible thing to have to endure isn't it.

Sending lots of love to you and I hope you'll be in touch xx

hey, I truly hope your okay I know how hard the concept of losing people to cancer can be. I'm only 15 but when I was 14 I lost my grandma from pancreas cancer on the 13th October 2020 (after a few months after diagnosis without chemo) then shortly after I also lost my grandad on 24th October 2020 from lung cancer and sepsis with one round of chemo (a month after his diagnosis). Their funerals were especially hard since I was in tears for them both and they were very well-known people so only a limited amount was allowed to witness the service. A few weeks on from their passing I could see many signs from them and certain smells bring back their memory and it's completely fine if you witness or get that feeling since they're just trying to tell you they're ok up in heaven and they love you still. I didn't get support from any companies or anything but I was at the time of griefing I was still going to school and trying to put on a hard face but when I came home stuff would just remind me of them and I would just start crying which is completely fine since your griefing their passing. Ways I would try and make my griefing positive is I songwrite about my pain after their passing as the lyrics and add a melody with my guitar and then record them and hope to record them when I'm hopefully better and a bit more popular. I also try to keep a positive mindset even if I smile at someone (a bit hard with masks), compliment someone (you might receive one back), ask how someone's day is and also treat people with kindness always every day. Whilst my grandma and grandad were alive and since they told me about my diagnosis I have grown out my hair to later donate to the little princess trust for little girls. my hair is currently above my bum but once it gets to maybe my knees I'm going to get it cut since I could not live without my hair since it makes me feel so confident so I really feel for those little girls who may not feel as confident without hair. I think the best way I dealt with their passings was just thinking of how hard other peoples day must have been and thought they might've been having a harder day than me so i always ask everyone I see how are you just to check up on them especially during this pandemic especially but I hope you soon feel better but I'm sure they are looking down and smiling that's why the sun is out (CURRENTLY) :  ) wishing you all the best x im always here if you need a talk x