I hope I feel like that when it comes to his funeral  it's in 3 weeks , yes I know you do grieve for the children I feel the same it's so heartbreaking, I am from Kent , where are you from ? 

You will Make your husband proud of sorting out the funeral and I'm sure it will be perfect for him well as perfect as It can be hope you understand what I'm trying to say! I'm from Southampton. I've spoke to lots of people on this chat  it was really helped talk to people who are going through exactly the same as me it's quite surprising how many people happens to cancer is so Cruel. Would you like to chat on WhatsApp it's easier than logging into this site every time if you do I'll send you my number in a private message if not I'm happy to chat like this

Thank you  I hope I make him proud , yes it is you don't realise that there are so many people going through the same thing and it helps to know because you think it's just you it's a lonely place , yes you can do that I have wassap . I don't know how the private message works on here 

I sent you I friend request  It Should be at the top of the screen in messages when you except the message I sent you a message but in a private message you didn't get an email I just have to keep logging in and checking but I should be able to sort the number out soon as possible

Hi Chris, how you doing do you remember me, i chatted to you when you was in same position has Kerry. Glad you are helping her get through funeral and days running up to it. Cancer is so cruel taking too many people far too young and leaving your poor kids without a parent. 

Hope you still in touch with ya mate who was going to India?

im a year down line next month, still not easy and very lonley.

take care

Debbie

Hello I remember I will never forget that you don't know what way to turn. I'm still up and down when the grief hits feels like it's killing me But if I send a message to someone like a cry for help and they reply with stay strong it's like then loading the gun and getting me to pull the trigger that makes sense? Yes I speak to Richard a lot obviously he's not going to India yet I think he's in the same state as me but to be honest I don't know what that is I miss her more and more each day I'm in the fourth month now and everything started to feel very real I've gone through YouTube about heaven And is she okay waiting for me do I need to get a medium the truth is I don't know I feel like I have to fix myselfSleeping in bed alone is horrible put in the washing in the washing machine without her clothes literally makes me feel sick like you say being alone is horrible really really horrible I don't want to be alone but I don't want no one else either if that makes sense

Your one year further on than me at the loneliness is still there for you it feels like I've got a lifetime of this if it wasn't for the children I really don't know if I would be here anyway it's lovely to hear from you

Bless ya Chris, must be hard with two kids to look after. I know what ya mean about ya dont want to be alone but ya don't want anyone else too i feel just the same. Im 56 live on my own my 2 kids have their own lifes to live but really good with me and my 17mth grandson keeps me going. The thought off meeting another man scares me to death. I was with Ian 42 yrs from teenagers married nearly 37 its a life time. We all on this horrible path we never chose to be on its terrible,

stay in touch Chris and hope your kids are doing well considering what they going through.

Take care

Debbie

Hello KerryW123; I am sorry to read your post. Even if in the long term it would not have helped he could at least have been given a chance.  I know the feeling of what ifs..... but it doesn't help at all to dwell on it.  I lost a loved one 18 months ago and although I try not to dwell on what could and/or should have been done.  I look for his voice and his cursing his football  team when it didn't play well.  There is no short cut and I try to tell myself that I wouldn't have missed out on many years of happiness so perhaps I should have been grateful for that.    Your loss is very early days and I hope you have some support and friendship.  I try to tell myself I had a great deal of love and not everyone gets that.  Someties you should cry when you want to, talk about him as much as you want.  In my experience it is still taking a long time to knock a bit off the hurt.  The lockdown was awful - I had just started going to a bereavement group - I have no family near me - but after the first meeting the pandemic descended on us all and the meetings had to stop.  You should accept any help and frienship that is offered to you.  You will feel that nothing will improve and there is nothing left to live for - but try to remember the good times and the fact that you made each other happy.  I realise that this post is perhaps not much help to you.  I don't know if you would find it helpful to talk to the hospital to hear what they have to say but do remeber it is possible that it would not have changed the outcome.  Please do keep in touch if you would like to chat with other people here; there has been a lot of loss on these columns.  Anneliz xx

Thank you for your message I just feel so cheated I honestly believe he would still be with me had we known back in November. I feel so lost without him and  I miss him more than anything we were together all the time it all happened so fast and I still can't believe he's gone