Hello  I'm sorry for your loss cancer seems to only take good people I lost my wife to breast cancer 22nd of December 2020 She left we have a nine-year-old and a little two-year-old  my wife is only 39 I'm here if you want to chat

I'm so sorry about your wife , it's so very hard I still can't believe

my husband is gone I know it's only been 2 weeks  but I feel like I won't ever come to terms with it , and the way it happened for me was so unexpected and quick , it's made so much worse because the hospital did not complete a procedure which could have meant a different outcome for him .

Hi Kerry I'm just checking in to see if your ok still her if you want to chat

Hi Chris , thank you I think I just still feel numb and it seems so 

unreal , it's the thought that I can't see him or speak to him anymore I just can't seem to be able to accept it , a few weeks ago he came home from hospital so I thought he was going to pull through which makes it harder . I hope your coping ok .

It's no sad nothing I say can make you feel any better it's  a Horrible situation to be in In fact it's the worst situation to be in!  All I can say is try and take one day at a time just get through the day I don't even think about tomorrow. Not being able to see them or talk to him again is one of the hardest things to get your head around I still haven't been able to do that and I'm four months in front of you I never understand why she had to die! We were a perfect little family I try to believe she is pain-free now and is looking down on me waiting for me to come to her again but the last promise I gave her a look after the children and I'll be in heaven when you finished looking after the children love you forever that was her last words to me. Life is so cruel Me and the boys woke up to mummy's grave stone every day even the two-year-old knows about mummy's grave mummy is in heaven what normal two-year-old has to deal with things like this?  But somehow we must move forward 

Oh Chris that's just heartbreaking, poor children aswell why does this have to happen ? Other people have said to just take each day , I can't help myself I torture myself with he won't be here at Christmas etc etc , yes I think the hardest thing is that it's so final and they are just gone , I haven't had the funeral yet I'm freakish it and don't know how I'm going to get through it I don't want to say good bye to him it's just the most horrendous thing and the feeling of complete despair I feel like I need to run somewhere to find him like I can't accept he's not here . 

I didn't have a last conversation with him , he was on oxygen and he wasn't talking much at all the last couple of days but he was responding to me , I was with him when he passed and I just told him all the things I needed to say he was always telling me how much he loved me and I was his soulmate best friend just everything so I already knew . I just don't know how I will move forward I can't begin to imagine my life without him 

I feel your pain I think just the same every day about never going to see her never going to sleep next to her ,kiss cuddle watching her in the shower it's all the silly things for me as well as the normal stuff  but I know How much she loved me and how much she wanted to be here and look after me and our children but obviously the cancer got so bad it was the only outcome! I wanna back I'm really really doing more than anything I know that I never happen I want her back cancer free all I've got a memories now and I've got a try and remember all the good times with her instead of all the times I'm not going to be with her in the future 

For the children I made a memory box basically you put everything in the remind you about mummy favourite song favourite colour et cetera and when they feel sad they go to the box and read what people have wrote about her 

At the funeral you don't need to say goodbye You need to say I'll see you again  

I know I'm the same I can't stop thinking about how I will never hold him again or kiss him or just have a conversation with him he made me laugh every day it just seems so unreal  that he's not here with me , I went to sort out funeral arrangements today and I feel totally numb it was as tho I was talking about some body else not my husband.

taht is a lovely idea the memory box , my little boy Kisses his daddy's picture all time and pictures on my phone it's just heart break 

I know I'm the same I can't stop thinking about how I will never hold him again or kiss him or just have a conversation with him he made me laugh every day it just seems so unreal  that he's not here with me , I went to sort out funeral arrangements today and I feel totally numb it was as tho I was talking about some body else not my husband.

taht is a lovely idea the memory box , my little boy Kisses his daddy's picture all time and pictures on my phone it's just heart break 

You doing great  I completely understand so in the funeral is hard But to me it felt like I was doing something for my wife  Choosing pictures choosing songs I was dreading going to a funeral but once I was in there and everyone in the room loved her like I did I really felt like she was with me I know that sounds strange. It's so sad When children are involved to you because you end up grieving for them as well if yourself but just try and be kind to yourself where about's in the country are you from? 

I hope I feel like that when it comes to his funeral  it's in 3 weeks , yes I know you do grieve for the children I feel the same it's so heartbreaking, I am from Kent , where are you from ? 

You will Make your husband proud of sorting out the funeral and I'm sure it will be perfect for him well as perfect as It can be hope you understand what I'm trying to say! I'm from Southampton. I've spoke to lots of people on this chat  it was really helped talk to people who are going through exactly the same as me it's quite surprising how many people happens to cancer is so Cruel. Would you like to chat on WhatsApp it's easier than logging into this site every time if you do I'll send you my number in a private message if not I'm happy to chat like this

Thank you  I hope I make him proud , yes it is you don't realise that there are so many people going through the same thing and it helps to know because you think it's just you it's a lonely place , yes you can do that I have wassap . I don't know how the private message works on here 

I sent you I friend request  It Should be at the top of the screen in messages when you except the message I sent you a message but in a private message you didn't get an email I just have to keep logging in and checking but I should be able to sort the number out soon as possible

Hello Kerry Hope you're okay l? I'm four months into this Got a phone call today from the school my nine-year-old's not been so good I think he's getting angry very fast all this is just a rubbish just want things to go back to normal

Hi Chris, how you doing do you remember me, i chatted to you when you was in same position has Kerry. Glad you are helping her get through funeral and days running up to it. Cancer is so cruel taking too many people far too young and leaving your poor kids without a parent. 

Hope you still in touch with ya mate who was going to India?

im a year down line next month, still not easy and very lonley.

take care

Debbie

Hello I remember I will never forget that you don't know what way to turn. I'm still up and down when the grief hits feels like it's killing me But if I send a message to someone like a cry for help and they reply with stay strong it's like then loading the gun and getting me to pull the trigger that makes sense? Yes I speak to Richard a lot obviously he's not going to India yet I think he's in the same state as me but to be honest I don't know what that is I miss her more and more each day I'm in the fourth month now and everything started to feel very real I've gone through YouTube about heaven And is she okay waiting for me do I need to get a medium the truth is I don't know I feel like I have to fix myselfSleeping in bed alone is horrible put in the washing in the washing machine without her clothes literally makes me feel sick like you say being alone is horrible really really horrible I don't want to be alone but I don't want no one else either if that makes sense

Your one year further on than me at the loneliness is still there for you it feels like I've got a lifetime of this if it wasn't for the children I really don't know if I would be here anyway it's lovely to hear from you

Bless ya Chris, must be hard with two kids to look after. I know what ya mean about ya dont want to be alone but ya don't want anyone else too i feel just the same. Im 56 live on my own my 2 kids have their own lifes to live but really good with me and my 17mth grandson keeps me going. The thought off meeting another man scares me to death. I was with Ian 42 yrs from teenagers married nearly 37 its a life time. We all on this horrible path we never chose to be on its terrible,

stay in touch Chris and hope your kids are doing well considering what they going through.

Take care

Debbie

Sorry for your loss kerry and send my thoughts to you and your son. have you tried bereavement counselling. it kind of helped me somewhat. even though it was heart wrenching at the best of times. I couldn't talk to my two grown up kids. he's 22 now and my daughter is 30 years old. I'm there dad, I'm meant to be the strong one. even 10 months on I still have my quiet little moments. We were married 34 years and knew her 8 years before that. she will always be in my heart and mind. and one day I know we'll meet again somewhere.

Sad part about my wife's passing was we brought her home for end of life care. it's the only way we knew we could be with her 24/7 because of covid19 restrictions.from when she was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, she managed to survive 6 weeks. and I get so angry , because all I ever see in my mind is the images of her pain and suffering, when I should be thinking how beautiful she was. I hope you get some peace of mind and get through your pain and grief. and wish you all well for the future.