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I miss my mum so much and I just can't move past it

Jade.mf
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I lost my mum in December 2019 to a very short battle to overian cancer, she was diagnosed in mid September, and after a very painful few months she died suddenly just after her first chemo the tumour grew so big that it just crushed all her organs and gave her a clot on her lung, she was extremely poorly and when there was nothing more they could do she was dying over 7 days, the day I knew it  took a turn for the worst my whole world just came crashing down and I cried for what felt like hours. After watching her die I just lost my self since she's been gone I've not felt my self and some days it feel so raw that it feels like its happened all over again, I know it's not right and sorry if I upset people but I wish I could be with her, I just miss her so much we were always so close she was the one I would always talk to and tell everything to, she was such a positive person and she lost her mum to cancer when she was 25, and although she got upset every now and then she loved life and loved her family I just don't know how she coped, maybe she was just stronger than I am. I'm not sure what the point of this post is, but I just feel so low with out my mum. I was 36 when my mum passed and I just don't feel ready to be motherless I feel so jealous when I see people my mums age still with thier mums. Life just seems so unfair sometimes. Thanks for reading. 

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    Your story mirrors mine. I'm also 36 and my Mum died at home last week with abdominal sarcoma wrapped around organs and blood vessels. Her total journey was only 2 months. To make a long story short my Dad died 2 days after Mum in hospital with multiple bleeds and complications (suspected leukemia or lung cancer but no post mortem). I don't want this post to sound about me but rather to inspire you. It's ok to cry and be sad, it's good to laugh and smile, it's fine to eat the treats or drink the wine.....whatever gets you through the hardest times. I have 2 beautiful children to live for and despite my numbness and grief I try to keep going for them. I've previously suffered poor mental health and overthinking but I can only hope this doesn't topple me over. We've got this girl, step by step. I'll stay away from clichés but dig deep and keep your head up. We're in this together and f@ck cancer.

    Kieran

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    I understand stand what you are feeling. I always say to myself if dad was here what would he say or do. He could fix everything. Then I realised he left that same strength in me we just need to find it xx

  • Offline in reply to Kieran26

    I'm so sorry for your losses, must be so hard to go trough both of your parents passing at the same time, ihope there's some support for you as I could imagine that being quite over whelming with all the paper work etc... life does like throwing curve balls our ways sometimes, thank you so much for your replay, I think I'll be OK but some times its just so hard I have 2 children also so would never do anything silly but sometimes I think if only I could just talk to her just one more time as I know it would set me right... I also think it was hard at the time because she was completely unconscious and could only really communicate trough hand squeezes, so she couldn't even speak to me, i sometimes just relive her last moments and wonder what she was thinking and how she was feeling. I guess ill never know but I know she wouldn't want me to be un happy and she would say come on now pull your self together but its hard some days. Thank you for taking the time to replay I hope that your OK sorry for your lossesxx

  • Offline in reply to Biffy123

    Thats so true, just hard some days to find it, really sorry for your loss sending love xx

  • Offline in reply to Jade.mf

    I will drop you a private message over the weekend x

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