Hi I saw the title to your post and couldn’t read & run, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your in such early days, be kind to yourself. I don’t think you ever really accept this loss and you certainly never “get over” it but in time, you somehow learn to live with it. 

I am in my early 30s, lost my long term partner to covid just underneath a year ago....in some ways I get you. This loss is like no other and this first year of birthdays, Christmas, new year etc has been the hardest thing Iv ever had to face without him. Somehow over the months Iv adapted to my different life, I don’t like it...I cry most days/nights but that’s ok. I still struggle to talk about things, I’m trying to focus on getting him a handcarved bench made and have it installed at our special spot so I can go there to remember him. I hope in time you will be able to remember the happy times you shared with your wife and smile, 47 absolutely beautiful years full of laughter, love and warmth. Your not alone, I’m happy for you to chat to me on here if you like :) 

Sorry to read your health hasn’t been too good, I hope you get on ok with your biopsy and the results are alright. Remember to take care of yourself, have you got support with family/friends? 

Hi thank you for your kind words, i find that when alone which is most of the days i just think

about her and look at her pictures i have put together on my computer, i go to her grave and

chat asking what i should do and think of what answer she would give, known her since she way a teenager as she used to baby sit for 1 of my brothers.. 

In lockdown we extended our bungalow but now i just rattle in it i do have my 12 year old grandson

living with me but when he is at school thats when i feel loneliness most, i do have 2 children but there grown up and have there own children.They visit as much as they can but i can not stop them form having there own lives.

We moved from london to get away from the fast pace  after a year fighting to get our grandson and be his special guardien  we enjoyed holidays abroad and weekends away but now thats gone as i could not travel alone. i have not had any help and its like being left to sort and do everything myself. not sure anything i have writen makes sence.

I think  that is a very nice thing to do for your partner,  Thank you for offering me to chat to you very kind.  John 

Hi, 

Its hard and cant say its easy living on your own, i hate it and evenings are the worst. I work 3 days aweek and have little one every Thursday so try and keep busy in the day.  It does come in waves you are right it seems to build up then i have a bad day. How far down line are you Holly?

My daighter lives nearly a hour away but my son lives close by so see him often .

Debbie x

The evenings for me were the worst too as it’s when we could finally relax after work or a hospital appointment and simply enjoy just being in each other’s company. In the first weeks, I found myself just staring into nothing alone, silent, no tv on...I couldn’t eat, sleep or think straight. I was in so much shock it was hard to function...I had to keep going as our little 20yr old dog needed walking but without her I’m honestly not sure if I would of got past them days. She passed away a month later I’m suspecting from a broken heart as my partner got her at 8 weeks of age.

Itl be a full year on the 22nd of this month and our anniversary on the 29th, so the first year is coming in fast and I’m not sure how to take it. Some people celebrate having that person in there life but I’m not sure I can celebrate a day that was traumatic and heartbreakingly life changing. I’m planning on changing jobs completely but need training and tests which are quite costly, covid has currently slowed this as the training & testing facilities have shut. 

I know the first year is the hardest but I’m still not sure how life will move forward with me over the coming years, them 5 year and 10 year marks are also painful and ones which I can’t bear thinking of. It just feels so unfair that a truly beautiful soul that went through so so much his whole life yet wanted to keep going, has been taken in the cruelest way. He had a very rare condition and was given a life expectancy of just 4 years of age.....he was 3 months shy of his 41st. The condition he had would of given him until early 50s if he was lucky so we knew our time was precious, we never ever would of imagined it ended this much sooner. I miss my partner so much I feel like my hearts just shattered into a million tiny pieces and will never be fixed, he told me to mourn for a year then carry on but how can I? He was the most best part of my life and il be eternally grateful he spent the rest of his with me ️ It shouldn’t end this way for any one of us and I’m so sorry your walking this path too.

Hi Debbie,

Im john and i to find it helps chatting on here but as you say the hurt does not go away

what you have writen is like my situation but i am lucky i have my grandson living with

me but when he goes back to school i feel lost on what to do with myself.

but i hope something will happen so i dont get depressed and when restrictions are lifted

hope to find things to do but i know it will never be the same.

John 

Hi John, 

I also read that you are waiting for a biopsy which is all extra stress for you as if things aren't bad enough. I wish you all the best and you get the all clear. I know ive found keeping busy as helped me, i work part time but when at home I set about painting house and going walks. Alot harder in lockdown to mix with people so very lonely. Have you retired or still working? I bet having your grandson live with you is lovely company for you and keeps you going.

Always here to chat  or DM me anytime. Ive made a few friends on here it as helped me alot. 

Take care speak soon.

Debbie x

Hi, 

It will be a year on 22nd June for me. I still cant beleive hes gone and feel like hes going to walk back in So strange. We buried my eldest sister yesterday she died of cancer too, its a cruel disease and takes people far too young. My husband battled oesophagus cancer for year before he died. He was fit and healthy,  worked as a builder and carried on working till starting Chemo which in its self was dreadful made him feel so ill. He was 57. Your poor partner was only 40 thats so sad. Lifes so cruel. Im too dreading the year anniversary coming up and all the milestones we have to get through its dreadful. People say to me your so strong but what option have we got other than to carry on. Its so final and the thought of not seeing them again does tear you apart. I still feel like running off its horrific. 

Im always here to chat, DM me anytime so we can chat private.

take care 

Debbie x

Hi Debbie,

Yes after going to hospital to urology to have a camara to show inside my bowel

2 months ago i was called back for another view of my bowel and the same red marks

are still there, so consultant told me he wants to do a biopsy in 4 weeks, so until its done

i have no idea what the out come will be.

i took early retirement do to ripping my tendons and ligaments in my shoulders and had

to have operations on both but they could only do 1 at the time as it takes upto 18 months

for each shoulder to heal so i had to leave my job as they held it open for a year but no longer

which is understandable, i worked as a drayman for carlsburg uk.

Yes its really nice having my grandson here but when he is at school thats when i feel lonely

but when the better weather comes im going to refurb my 2 bathrooms and 2 of the bedrooms

I would like staying in touch what does DM mean i always thought it was PM like facebook for

private messageing, we live and learn  :-) 

Many thanks John 

My wife was told she had aggressive pancreatic cancer in january last year and within 9 months she passed away, 10th November at home, It hit us both hard but over the few months we had together we planned everything from the funeral to her telling me not to alone and live my life,

she was a hard worker she worked in a hospital for 11 years then we moved to enjoy are lives and travel which we did but then we become special guardiens to our grandson due to his mother being an alcoholic and drug user so our son asked us to get guardienship as he said he was not able to look after him on his own we agreed and now grandson and his dad see each other and have a good life.

No my partner was not 40 we was married for nearly 42 years,we married at 18 we knew each other from teenagers but her father did not allow me to take her out until she was 16,

I brought a 6 people plot to bury her askes and am awaiting her headstone to be done so i can feel at peace knowing i had done all we arranged and agreed on.

i have friends calling asking if i need anything and my 2 kids come and see me but they both have partners and there lives to live, i will DM your thanks i so nice to chat to someone who has gone thought such sad times the same as me, it like part of a weight lifted off me.

Chat soon 

John  

Sent you a DM/ PM that was funny made me laugh. Ill reply to you on that 

Will work out were i need to go to read the DM/PM  :-) 

Hi Debbie, I understand what you mean when you say you think he’s going to come through the door, I feel that too. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister aswell, there are no words for the pain and sadness you are going through, I can only offer my deepest condolences and hope you have good strong support around you. 

Your partner sounds like he fought it with the utmost courage & dignity. In the past 2 years I have lost a massive amount of relatives to mainly cancer (different types) and have a few currently enduring the treatment to cure the ones that aren’t terminal and sadly prolong the lives of the ones that are terminal. Chemo from an outsiders point of view is heartbreaking to see loved ones suffering the side effects which can be extreme & exhausting. One of my relatives is quite unwell at present and has lost all her hair from her treatment so we have been cooking her dinners & delivering them. 

Life Iv found, can be so truly beautiful and fulfilling but Iv also experienced how devastatingly cruel it is aswell. I’m not sure how to carry on but il give it my best shot.

Im more than happy to chat with you on the messages section :-). Look after yourself x

Hi Debbie, I understand what you mean when you say you think he’s going to come through the door, I feel that too. I am so sorry for the loss of your sister aswell, there are no words for the pain and sadness you are going through, I can only offer my deepest condolences and hope you have good strong support around you. 

Your partner sounds like he fought it with the utmost courage & dignity. In the past 2 years I have lost a massive amount of relatives to mainly cancer (different types) and have a few currently enduring the treatment to cure the ones that aren’t terminal and sadly prolong the lives of the ones that are terminal. Chemo from an outsiders point of view is heartbreaking to see loved ones suffering the side effects which can be extreme & exhausting. One of my relatives is quite unwell at present and has lost all her hair from her treatment so we have been cooking her dinners & delivering them. 

Life Iv found, can be so truly beautiful and fulfilling but Iv also experienced how devastatingly cruel it is aswell. I’m not sure how to carry on but il give it my best shot.

Im more than happy to chat with you on the messages section :-). Look after yourself x