I'm so sorry. 
I have no advice, I lost my mum just a few days after you and I feel exactly the same. I don't know how I will ever get over this. 

Hi Jai

i am so sorry to hear of your sad loss. Nothing ever prepares you for losing your mum. I lost mine suddenly with no warning last Year.  I replay her last day in great detail every single day and still can't fbelieve she isn't here.  I was her Carer for the last4 years but her companion after my father died  30 years ago.  We were the best of friends. We spoke every day, twice or three times a day. We spent holidays together, long eeekends, family occasions EVERYTHING we did together. Now there  is a void but I promise you it does get more bearable. I miss her from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. The pain lives with me all the time but recently I have been able to look at her picture and talk to her like I would normally. I tell her everything I would if she was here and sometimes I hear her whisper a response or I imagine how she would laugh at hearing what I have to tell her. It is strangely comforting.  Your loss is very recent so you have so much grieving still to do. Give yourself permission to do that but also know that your mum would honestly want you to have a good life and be happy. I tell myself this every day and I try to live how she would want me to - it's hard and I hope in time her memories will bring me joy.

I wish you so much strength to bear this loss. Trust your love for mum and hers for you and know that this will get better,

I lost my mum on 14 March and still feel really sad every day.  I thought I would have felt better by now but I don't.  I am being easy on myself and just letting the waves of grief come and pass over me.  I think "I must ring mum and tell her..." and then remember she is gone and just burst onto tears.  Easter has been hard coz she always loved this time of year.  I have a partner and we have a good happy life but I still feel heartbroken by her death.

How are you? 

I don t know about you but I keep forgetting she s not here. 

I m not adulting well either... x 

How are you? Thank you so much for replying.. I m glad it gets more bearable as I cannot imagine life without her.

Nightime is awful as I d normally ring her so I don t sleep well.  Thank you for your advice and I will try to live everyday as she d want me too. 

How are you? 

Thank you for your reply. 

My brother and I have said exactly the same as you I go to ring or msg her and then I remember .... 

I miss her terribly and its only been weeks. 

I hope it gets easier for all of us. 

Hi Jai

I had a day earlier this week when I felt I was coping better but yesterday and today have been bad.  I see something that reminds me of her and start crying.  This Sunday is my niece's birthday and our first family gathering without my mum.  It will be really difficult.  She would have loved it.  I guess we have to try and be positive - I try and say to myself at least I had a good relationship with her, at least I tried to help her when she was sick.  

Maybe things will get better in time.

Liz 

How did your neices birthday go? 

Yes you should be proud of yourself for being there for your mum and its nice you had that relationship - I have to remind myself that otgers don t..

Tomorrow I get my mums ashes! I m dreading it ... I still feel like she s on holiday ... its awful.  If only we could have one more day. X 

The birthday celebration was enjoyable, but it was strange because we had an empty space at the table.  We made the most of it and I got through it without crying, but since then it has been really hard.  I think that event made it sink in and become real that she was not there.  Since then I have been really sad every day.  I get on with everything I need to, but feel sad all the time.

I also keep saying to myself "just one more day".  Even one more hour would do.

I hope you were okay collecting the ashes.