[@brid42]‍ 

I'm sorry to hear about your husband, it's so inspiring you're able to support others during a time that is unbelievably tough for you. 

Lots of love to you, your husband and daughters xxx

[@Newlife101]‍ [@brid42]‍ 

Thank you both so much for replying during these difficult times for you both. The people here on this forum really are wonderful and kind. I feel less alone on here.

I think I will try grief counselling as an outlet. Having a good cry and letting out how I feel does feel cathartic and I hope with more time I will be able to talk about my Mum and remember the good times without breaking down.

It was exactly a month yesterday since she passed. It was a really tough day and I miss her terribly.

I'm due to go back to work tomorrow and have a huge amount of anxiety over this, although my work have been very understanding.

Sending you and your families strength xx

Wow, reading this thread so many things resonate with my own experience. My mum was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in February and died 5 weeks later. I became her primary career and had to stay strong for the both of us (my brother lives in Spain and we have no other family). My friends definitely distanced themselves or offered superficial help. I felt so lonely after my mum's death once the shock hit etc. I was working online at the time and dreaded zoom meetings with colleagues who were all living a normal life laughing and joking whilst I was consumed with sadness. In fact I did end up distancing myself from almost everyone and only met up with one friend whose father also died of cancer- he understood what I was going through. 

Someone here mentioned counseling and I am now 5 weeks into bereavement counseling. My first session was very hard , all the emotions I was holding in came flooding out and I literally cried for an hour. However, I am incredibly grateful for the counseling and definitely wouldn't have got through things without it. 

I am sorry to be on here, but like everyone else circumstances have brought me here. Good luck with work tomorrow and try to stay strong. 

Dan

[@Dncinuk]‍ I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mum such a short period of time after her diagnosis. That must have been incredibly hard being her primary carer. I have to say that up to this point, I've been very naive and uninformed about cancer, as although there has been a lot of cancer in my family, there has been a significant amount of time between diagnosis and death. This is my experience with cancer and for someone to be gone within days or weeks of diagnosis has been a really hard pill to swallow. I'm still in shock and can't quite believe it's actually happened. I'm just waiting to wake up from this nightmare.

It's good to hear such positive experiences with bereavement counselling. Do you mind me asking if you went through cruse or you GP?

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post, that was incredibly kind of you. I'm finding a lot of comfort speaking to people on this forum.

J

I really hope the return back to work goes smoothly. i know it's nerve wracking, but it may (I hope) provide a bit of a distraction, but it's definately baby steps. xxx

Hi Newlife101,

I came to the forum to find others who have lost their mum, and found your post first. I am so sorry for your loss, and to the people who have replied I am sorry for your losses too.  It is a comfort to find others in the same boat, I lost my mum 10 years ago, I was 34. I can empathise with you about your friends, only one work colleague had lost her mum in my social circle. I had the same experience as you, people didn't know how to respond so I had lots of vague offers of 'call if you need anything' (which I would never do) and people who avoided me. I saw people squirm if I mentioned my mum or anything to do with her illness and death. I've had counselling, which did help and I have been through many more losses since but none like losing Mum.

I still have bad days where I miss her and feel angry that she went too soon, but it is mostly time that has helped me learn to live with the grief. My sadness now is that she did not see me become a mum myself.

If there can be a positive side to it I feel that losing her has made me a more empathetic person and I cherish the good things and people in my life, I take nothing for granted. I take happiness where I can. I talk about Mum and tell my child all about her. We take flowers to her on her anniversary.

I now know more friends who have lost their mums at a similar age or younger and we have bonded over our shared grief. 
 

I wanted to send you love and strength and I hope that you find solace in others here who have shared your experience. One day your friends will sadly go through what you are going through now, and you will be able to share your experience then. It is so hard to be the first in your friendship group.

Take care x 

Hi [@MrsM21]‍ 

Thank you for taking the time to share what your grief is like 10 years on. It's comforting to hear that things do get more manageable with time. 
Like you, my mum has passed before seeing me become a Mum myself. It pains me that she won't be at my wedding and I find myself mostly grieving for all that she will miss by being taken far too soon.

I already feel like this loss has made me a more empathetic person and I'm trying to find a bit of gratitude and happiness in every day as I know that is what my Mum would have wanted.

Take care,

J

Hey [@MrsM21]‍ 

Thank you for taking the time to time to reply to my post, and share how it's been for you. It is probably the most difficult thing to experience and you can only understand it if you've experienced it, you're very right.

Thank you for being so lovely, I appreciate it so much. I'm sure your mum would be incredibly proud of you replying and trying to help people like us. 

Lots of love xxxx

Bless you, my heart goes out to you. Those life events are hard when you are grieving, and as you say your mum would want your happiness and to be a part of them. I now know two people who got married without their mum, both went to the church where she was married and buried as a way of including her in their day. I imagine that was very hard for them but lovely at the same time. 
 

Is your wedding soon? Xx

Thank you for your lovely reply, Hopefully we can all send each other love and strength in our grief. 
 

I came to the chat because of a low moment and talking with you has lifted my spirit. It's good to talk as they say, although we find ourselves connecting due to such a sad experience.

How have you found the last 3 months? Xxx