Hi Newlife101,

I came to the forum to find others who have lost their mum, and found your post first. I am so sorry for your loss, and to the people who have replied I am sorry for your losses too.  It is a comfort to find others in the same boat, I lost my mum 10 years ago, I was 34. I can empathise with you about your friends, only one work colleague had lost her mum in my social circle. I had the same experience as you, people didn't know how to respond so I had lots of vague offers of 'call if you need anything' (which I would never do) and people who avoided me. I saw people squirm if I mentioned my mum or anything to do with her illness and death. I've had counselling, which did help and I have been through many more losses since but none like losing Mum.

I still have bad days where I miss her and feel angry that she went too soon, but it is mostly time that has helped me learn to live with the grief. My sadness now is that she did not see me become a mum myself.

If there can be a positive side to it I feel that losing her has made me a more empathetic person and I cherish the good things and people in my life, I take nothing for granted. I take happiness where I can. I talk about Mum and tell my child all about her. We take flowers to her on her anniversary.

I now know more friends who have lost their mums at a similar age or younger and we have bonded over our shared grief. 
 

I wanted to send you love and strength and I hope that you find solace in others here who have shared your experience. One day your friends will sadly go through what you are going through now, and you will be able to share your experience then. It is so hard to be the first in your friendship group.

Take care x 

Hi [@MrsM21]‍ 

Thank you for taking the time to share what your grief is like 10 years on. It's comforting to hear that things do get more manageable with time. 
Like you, my mum has passed before seeing me become a Mum myself. It pains me that she won't be at my wedding and I find myself mostly grieving for all that she will miss by being taken far too soon.

I already feel like this loss has made me a more empathetic person and I'm trying to find a bit of gratitude and happiness in every day as I know that is what my Mum would have wanted.

Take care,

J

Hi [@MrsM21]‍ 

Thank you for taking the time to share what your grief is like 10 years on. It's comforting to hear that things do get more manageable with time. 
Like you, my mum has passed before seeing me become a Mum myself. It pains me that she won't be at my wedding and I find myself mostly grieving for all that she will miss by being taken far too soon.

I already feel like this loss has made me a more empathetic person and I'm trying to find a bit of gratitude and happiness in every day as I know that is what my Mum would have wanted.

Take care,

J

Bless you, my heart goes out to you. Those life events are hard when you are grieving, and as you say your mum would want your happiness and to be a part of them. I now know two people who got married without their mum, both went to the church where she was married and buried as a way of including her in their day. I imagine that was very hard for them but lovely at the same time. 
 

Is your wedding soon? Xx