Hi [@Newlife101]‍ 

I'm relatively new to this forum and came across this post and can relate heavily to this right now.

My Mum passed away just over 4 weeks ago, only 3 days after we received her cancer diagnosis. She had a very aggressive form of lung cancer that had already spread throughout her lungs and lymph nodes. It has completely turned my world upside down, it's all come as such a shock and I'm heartbroken she has been taken far, far too soon.

I'm 32 and I lost my Dad when I was 15. My friends are all very fortunate not to have lost a parent yet and I feel they have been really unhelpful since my Mum's death. They haven't been overly supportive and have kept their distance like my grief is contagious. They think they're being supportive by saying 'let me know if you need anything' but it just feels so empty. One friend has had her big white wedding postponed 3 times due to the pandemic and recently said in our group chat that she had a really bad weekend crying over the fact her wedding has had to be postponed again and I felt like screaming at her that worse things could happen. It feels like they're all being incredibly insensitive.

I'm feeling very alone right now.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone with how you're feeling and I hope you're doing as well as you can be given this horrible card you've been dealt.

Take good care,

J

Hello [@Dexter123]‍ J

I wanted to say first of all, I am so so sorry to hear the news of your mum, 3 days after diagnosis must feel unbelievably difficult, and at 32 having lost your dad many years ago, the world must feel incredibly cruel and unfair. 

I resonate a lot with what you have said of empty offers, and people not understanding still during my grief process, unfortunately. It feels as if your world has stopped, and people are continuing to carry on and sometimes avoid you as if it is contagious, you're so right. I think unless you're part of this club which no one wants to be, you're often just not sure of the right thing to say, so don't say anything. For those you feel able to, try explaining to them of how isolating it feels, some people will try to understand and will make a conscious effort to be there and listen to you, but others will not, and I feel as if those are the people that you won't carry with you on the rest of the journey, but that is okay. 

This forum is full of genuinely kind people who will be there for you and offer an ear when you're feeling like no one else gets it, because they sadly do understand. It's helped me more than I think I even knew at the start to be honest.

Therapy has also been a good outlet for me to speak without judgement, have you thought about that? 

I am a little further down the line, as my mum had her diagnosis end of January, then passed away early march, and it's without a doubt, been the hardest period of my life. Every single day I think about her most of the day and I miss her so much, but there are now days where I don't have such a heavy heart and I can remember some of the really lovely times we spent together and I am just genuinely thankful she was my mum, and I know how alike we are. This can never be taken away from you either. 

I am sending you a huge amount of strength, and lots of love, it's incredibly difficult. If you ever want to chat, I am always here. 

Lots of love, and a big hug xxx

Hello [@Dexter123]‍ J

I wanted to say first of all, I am so so sorry to hear the news of your mum, 3 days after diagnosis must feel unbelievably difficult, and at 32 having lost your dad many years ago, the world must feel incredibly cruel and unfair. 

I resonate a lot with what you have said of empty offers, and people not understanding still during my grief process, unfortunately. It feels as if your world has stopped, and people are continuing to carry on and sometimes avoid you as if it is contagious, you're so right. I think unless you're part of this club which no one wants to be, you're often just not sure of the right thing to say, so don't say anything. For those you feel able to, try explaining to them of how isolating it feels, some people will try to understand and will make a conscious effort to be there and listen to you, but others will not, and I feel as if those are the people that you won't carry with you on the rest of the journey, but that is okay. 

This forum is full of genuinely kind people who will be there for you and offer an ear when you're feeling like no one else gets it, because they sadly do understand. It's helped me more than I think I even knew at the start to be honest.

Therapy has also been a good outlet for me to speak without judgement, have you thought about that? 

I am a little further down the line, as my mum had her diagnosis end of January, then passed away early march, and it's without a doubt, been the hardest period of my life. Every single day I think about her most of the day and I miss her so much, but there are now days where I don't have such a heavy heart and I can remember some of the really lovely times we spent together and I am just genuinely thankful she was my mum, and I know how alike we are. This can never be taken away from you either. 

I am sending you a huge amount of strength, and lots of love, it's incredibly difficult. If you ever want to chat, I am always here. 

Lots of love, and a big hug xxx