Thanks for your kind words, its nice to know that someone understands how i am feeling  i m sitting in my kitchen thinking about the things we would be doing, i got the bill for the funeral today so i have to go and pick up his ashes which im dreading, i don't want to carry on without him  

I always think about the things we would be doing too, I still look at the nicer weather and then think of days out or long weekends away...it hurts just as much as the day I lost him and I don’t really know how or if il even enjoy them little things liked we once did. Collecting the ashes also brought a lot of dread and anxiety to me but once they were collected, there was a sense of calm...like he’s home now and I felt slightly closer to him. Myself and his family will be having a celebration of his life and are burying his ashes in the crematorium with a headstone as none of his relatives were allowed to the funeral. I’m also having a bench handcarved and installed at our favourite spot, I hope I will start to feel a little more at ease once there’s somewhere nice I can go to remember him. Il always carry him in my heart and il never ever stop loving him, it’s so so hard isn’t it...I had such a down day yesterday, I still struggle with going on without him and I hate it but somehow very very slowly it gets a tiny bit easier as days pass. The grief is still very much like waves don’t get me wrong and when they hit they really hit but some days are a little more manageable. Please know your not alone and you have us all here, I’m happy to chat if you would like x

I always think about the things we would be doing too, I still look at the nicer weather and then think of days out or long weekends away...it hurts just as much as the day I lost him and I don’t really know how or if il even enjoy them little things liked we once did. Collecting the ashes also brought a lot of dread and anxiety to me but once they were collected, there was a sense of calm...like he’s home now and I felt slightly closer to him. Myself and his family will be having a celebration of his life and are burying his ashes in the crematorium with a headstone as none of his relatives were allowed to the funeral. I’m also having a bench handcarved and installed at our favourite spot, I hope I will start to feel a little more at ease once there’s somewhere nice I can go to remember him. Il always carry him in my heart and il never ever stop loving him, it’s so so hard isn’t it...I had such a down day yesterday, I still struggle with going on without him and I hate it but somehow very very slowly it gets a tiny bit easier as days pass. The grief is still very much like waves don’t get me wrong and when they hit they really hit but some days are a little more manageable. Please know your not alone and you have us all here, I’m happy to chat if you would like x