Hi I'm sorry for your loss Covid  has been Horrible just like f ing cancer my wife died 22 December last year she was 39  she was so brave fighting until the end  she left me with a nine your old and a2 year old  live is so hard without her 

Hi I'm sorry for your loss I lost my wife to breast cancer she was 39 I know exactly what you mean about nighttimes it's so sad if you want to chat

Thankyou, cancer has taken 16 members of my family in the space of 18 months I hate the disease, every single form of it. I have multiple relatives on chemo, waiting to see if they are starting chemo/radiotherapy and a couple that are terminal....my mums also waiting on a biopsy result. 

I am so so sorry for your loss, how are you doing with things? I hope your 2 children are doing alright, I have joined widowed and young website which has been quite good. I’m happy to chat if you would ever like to, be kind to yourself. My most sincerest sympathies go out to you x

 We are on a rollercoasters up/ down 1000 times a day we Recently put a headstone up in the cemetery we got her ashes to go up there on the 31st of March that would've been a 40th birthday 

Kids ok school helping the nine year old The teachers are amazing with him We will go out every night and look for stars mummy star s mummy star if we can the two year old loves Looking for white feathers and they keep saying mummy star mummy heaven that is so sad watching them they don't deserve any of this neither do I! Neither do You ! 
I do want to join that widowed and young but want to join when Covid is finished I'm not very good at talking on FaceTime or zoom prefer face-to-face if that makes any sense but happy to keep texting on here Or WhatsApp or whatever

That’s exactly it, nothing in the world can prepare you for losing them but the loss that follows, the grief is indescribable. Somehow it slowly gets easier (very slowly)...it’s still not been a year for me but I truly didn’t think I would get to where I am today but I’m here and you will get through too, support is paramount and really does help. In my early days I had neighbours/friends having dinner dropped off to the door step which was a big weight lifted and then small treats like sweeties being delievered (that made me smile) how are you doing for support?

I picked my partners plot with his parents although they have changed the cemetery altogether but he hasn’t got a headstone as there’s one already there and I’m not sure when we’re having his ashes buried, il be getting some flowers for that. He was 3 months shy of his 41st birthday but he had a rare condition and was only told he would see no more than 4 years of age, I was due to give him a kidney last spring when covid hit and then we were going to have ivf. 

Your wifes 40th is going to be a difficult day especially with her ashes too but she will be watching over you all, will you be doing anything to remember her by? 

Im so pleased that the school is helping with your son, the feathers that you look for and the stars is really sweet...maybe you could get one of them stars that you name for the children (just a thought). None of us deserve any of it at all, my heart breaks for you & your children....we will try our best to get through the darkness of it all and come out stronger, we will always hold our loved ones in our hearts just as they will hold us in there wings. 

I don’t do zoom or FaceTime either, my phones been broken since last year so I haven’t even been able to text/WhatsApp anyone but I can use the laptop to email or chat here (more than happy to add you as a friend).

That must've been hard changing cemeteries after choosing a plot? My wife liked  TinkerbellSo we had a Tinkerbell drawn on the stone it looks great It's a black stone with shiny silver writing Connor my eldest said mummy always wore sparkly things So that's the colours we went for.

All my wife's friends have been absolutely amazing mine are useless typical man I guess she really did choose her friends properly they do food drop-offs and everything they're even happy to take him to school when I can't so I'm getting lots of support from them and obviously my family as well I've been good and my wife's family have been amazing

it's times like now kids in bed I'm all alone really feel like I've lost my wing man my best friend my lover everythingShe made me promise that I would look after the children and not do anything stupid like try and find her I gave my word that's probably the hardest promise I've ever made but I will do it I will make her proud

hope  the boys are asleep Connor (9yearold) has lost His teeth so I've been in the tooth fairy tonight first time without mummy things seem so sad now but hey I'm still doing it doing it for the children i'll be very happy if you send me a friend request thank you

Have sent you a friend request. Yeh hearing that they had changed the actual cemetery was quite upsetting but I can’t do anything about it and being in lockdown I can’t even see his family which has made things so much harder, I miss his 92yr old nan terribly! Iv found a company that do hand carved benches....the one I have chosen is absolutely beautiful and I’m going to have it installed at our special place but I will have to first pay the council installation and land fees, I think around 1500-1700 in total but it’s going to be perfect and everything we discussed. Your wife’s stone sounds lovely, I like tinker bell too :) Itl be nice when we will have them places to go and take time to talk to them, remember them and simply be peaceful with them (if that makes sense).

Good I’m really pleased that your wife’s friends have remained good to you and your children, I think men find expressing there feelings/emotions openly difficult sometimes, that’s not to say they don’t care or aren’t thinking of you....they might not know how to approach you or what to say. 

We didn’t have children so I don’t understand the parenting side of it but I really do sympathise with you and understand that feeling of just being lost especially with some things like work (we worked together for the last year due to his health) and being able to go to the beach or for a nice walk as now it’s just me, we took his sisters children out for fun days but now itl be just me and il miss him. He was literally my world, I had never ever had a true best friend until I met him and I learnt so so much...I still am in a way I guess. We knew my partner would be lucky to reach his 50s but god we never thought he would go this early, we spoke about what we would want if this happened to either of us & im trying my best to carry it all out but it’s so hard, I just miss him dearly...every thing about him. I will also do my best to make him proud, I hope one day we can both look back and see were stronger and more resilient than we anticipated, I know we will do them proud.

Aww the tooth fairy days are magical when your young, Iv still got some of mine! It’s times like this when the loss is really felt, the shared times...your wife will be watching over you. I bet Connor will have fun showing off his toothy gap :) 

Thanks for your kind words, its nice to know that someone understands how i am feeling  i m sitting in my kitchen thinking about the things we would be doing, i got the bill for the funeral today so i have to go and pick up his ashes which im dreading, i don't want to carry on without him  

I always think about the things we would be doing too, I still look at the nicer weather and then think of days out or long weekends away...it hurts just as much as the day I lost him and I don’t really know how or if il even enjoy them little things liked we once did. Collecting the ashes also brought a lot of dread and anxiety to me but once they were collected, there was a sense of calm...like he’s home now and I felt slightly closer to him. Myself and his family will be having a celebration of his life and are burying his ashes in the crematorium with a headstone as none of his relatives were allowed to the funeral. I’m also having a bench handcarved and installed at our favourite spot, I hope I will start to feel a little more at ease once there’s somewhere nice I can go to remember him. Il always carry him in my heart and il never ever stop loving him, it’s so so hard isn’t it...I had such a down day yesterday, I still struggle with going on without him and I hate it but somehow very very slowly it gets a tiny bit easier as days pass. The grief is still very much like waves don’t get me wrong and when they hit they really hit but some days are a little more manageable. Please know your not alone and you have us all here, I’m happy to chat if you would like x