Hello PurpleAxolotl and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat, 

Poor you, having both your parents diagnosed with advanced cancer and going through this at the same time,  it's not surprising that you are finding it difficult to process all this. I am so sorry to hear that your dad only has weeks left and you haven't even been able to see him. The current covid situation also adds another layer of emotional distress as it is making it so difficult to be close to those we love in the final weeks of their life so this may also be adding to this anticipatory grief you seem to be experiencing.  Having to go through this whilst looking after your mum who is herself poorly with stage 4 cancer must be so hard for you at the moment. It's not surprising that you are not finding any time in the midst of all this to simply look after yourself. There is information though on our website for caregivers to help you support a loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer but also crucially to find time to look after yourself. You can read more about this on this page and I hope that you will manage to find a little bit of time to recharge your own batteries which isn't easy for you to do at the moment. 

I think it is an excellent idea that you try grief counselling and I am sure grief counsellors will have been trained in anticipatory grief. You could talk to your GP about it and ask whether they could point you in the right direction. I definitely think you need to talk to someone and let it all out as you say as you haven't had a moment to process everything that is happening at the moment and it is a lot for you to deal with. 

I hope that you will hear from others who have been through this before and that they will have good advice and strategies to help you cope when things are tough. We're thinking of you during this difficult time and don't hesitate to come back to the forum anytime you need to offload. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hello PurpleAxolotl and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat, 

Poor you, having both your parents diagnosed with advanced cancer and going through this at the same time,  it's not surprising that you are finding it difficult to process all this. I am so sorry to hear that your dad only has weeks left and you haven't even been able to see him. The current covid situation also adds another layer of emotional distress as it is making it so difficult to be close to those we love in the final weeks of their life so this may also be adding to this anticipatory grief you seem to be experiencing.  Having to go through this whilst looking after your mum who is herself poorly with stage 4 cancer must be so hard for you at the moment. It's not surprising that you are not finding any time in the midst of all this to simply look after yourself. There is information though on our website for caregivers to help you support a loved one who has been diagnosed with cancer but also crucially to find time to look after yourself. You can read more about this on this page and I hope that you will manage to find a little bit of time to recharge your own batteries which isn't easy for you to do at the moment. 

I think it is an excellent idea that you try grief counselling and I am sure grief counsellors will have been trained in anticipatory grief. You could talk to your GP about it and ask whether they could point you in the right direction. I definitely think you need to talk to someone and let it all out as you say as you haven't had a moment to process everything that is happening at the moment and it is a lot for you to deal with. 

I hope that you will hear from others who have been through this before and that they will have good advice and strategies to help you cope when things are tough. We're thinking of you during this difficult time and don't hesitate to come back to the forum anytime you need to offload. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator