Cancer Research UK main site

Lost my mum to cancer

Amyisstrong
Offline

Hi, 
 

My name is Amy, I'm 21 (only child) and I lost my mum to breast, lung, liver and bone cancer in May 2019. This absolutely broke my heart. My mum was my best friend and my everything to me. 
 

Does anyone else have really bad PTSD from what they saw happen to their loved one to do with cancer? It's completely changed my view on life, it's scared me, is life really this dark? Losing my mum to cancer at such a young age has really confused me. I cant work or even go to a friends house that's how terrible my anxiety is. 
 

What do you do to grief? I've never lost anyone? Is it normal to cry so much a year and a half later? 
 

Please help me, I'm having an incredibly difficult day. I just miss my mum so much it's unbearable. 
 

kimd regards, 

amy

  • Offline

    Hi Amy, [@Amyisstrong]‍ 

    I am so so very sorry to hear about your Mum I myself lost my mum last night, so I am unable to comment how it bad it is going to effect me yet. My Mum was my whole world I was the youngest (31) but a big baby. Dont laugh. Spoke to her 6788 a day, couldnt pick new bed sheets without running it by her- that close. But anyways I suffer with anxiety and waves of OCD before this. Jogging akways helped me, any form of HiTT exercise for just 20 mins, always helps my head. And I have found a therapist wonders, I know sometimes people find that scary but honest dont be, theres something very helpful and weight lifting about talking to a stranger. 
    There are registered websites where you can fibd one near you it can be expensive but worth every penny if you ask me. It can also be done through your GP but can take a while. 
     

    It will never make you feel better, but your mum is in a better place darling and her suffering is no more. I feel like there isnt much point in my life now having kids marriage etc one, as my mum is not here to see it.

    But I know for a fact my mum would want me to live my life, and carry her strength and go on to be happy (eventually) . And Im sure at your lovely age your mum will defo want the same, my mum was glad I was trying to sort my anxiety as she didnt want it 'ruling' my life as she said. ' Dont let things take over you so much you cant enjoy your life!' I was like oh mum but you dont suffer from it, but now ive seen my mums life was taken so quick (4 months) you have to appreciate it! Cant let the mental health overide! (Most of the time over silly nonsence) but now we have a missing Mum.
     

    Please do keep your friends around babe as you need them, just for little chats even. Or family? Getting back to work will come in time, just think of what your Mum would want you to do with youself, She wouldnt want you withdrawing from your life. Of course cry as much as you need, thats just love for her. Talk to her everyday, I know I will be for sure! 
     

    I am just starting my journey today waking up without my soul mate, but please do try some of the things mentioned- sorry if I rambled on & was no help what so ever. Take care of yourself & I am here to talk to anytime! Just drop me a message  Be Strong

    ♥️

  • Offline

    Hi Amy,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and for hearing about your mom. Your experience mirrors my own, I lost my sister last year October who over the years fought breast, kidney, bone cancer and liver cancer. She leaves my 21 year old niece who like you, miss her every day just like you miss your mum.

    I find thinking about the good memories sometimes makes me feel a little better and knowing that my sister no longer is suffering is a comfort. Some days are better than others. I accept when it's not a good day, have my sad time and try and think of the good and positive things that I have in my life. Oh, and listen to lots of music.

    Have you though if seeing a counsellor to help you learn to live without your mom and to help you with your anxiety? It's not easy and it may take some time, but you need to find your way to coping without your mum, sometimes you may need the help of others, friends or family to get you through, you are not alone. There is help out there. Just take each day as it comes and don't put pressure on yourself. Return to work when you feel ready to do so.

    I wish you all the best.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.