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I can't feel anything - is this normal?

lau_
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My mum passed away yesterday after a fight against stage 4 small cell lung cancer (1 year and 9 months) with brain and spinal mets. We nursed her in her final days at home - as she wanted - and I spent the time I wasn't in the room with her in tears. But now she's gone, and I just can't seem to feel anything. Emotionally, I'm just numb.

I know I have a lot to concentrate on now - I'm in my early twenties, I was living with mum, and I have to sort out the cancelling accounts/phoning companies/etc side of everything, so I'm not sure if I'm trying to distract myself with all of that side before the emotional stuff hits me again, or if it's normal to just.... not feel anything. It just doesn't feel real.

  • Hello Lau_

    I'm so sorry to hear that your Mum passed away earlier this week. Please accept my condolences on behalf of the whole Cancer Chat team. 

    Obviously, this is a very difficult time for you at the moment but hopefully, I can give you some reassurance that the numbness you describe is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process. Whilst every journey with grief is unique there are some common stages that many people experience and whilst your Mum's passing wasn't unexpected it's natural that you're experiencing some shock. 

    When you feel ready I'd suggest getting in touch with Cruse, a charity that offers bereavement support. Having someone to talk to outside of friends and family can be a great help. 

    Be kind to yourself over the coming weeks and months Lau whilst you process all that has happened. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    Hi my lovely 

     

    I'm so sorry to hear this!  Also was 26 when I lost my mum and lived with her in her year of battling cancer and her final few days... 

     

    I am still going through the numb stage and this is a year on now... personally I coped With the initial stages by trying to keep busy. I sorted all the paper work. Made all the phone calls organised the funeral Did everything practical to avoid feeling. 
     

    I even went back to Work 1 week after she passed and if it wasn't down to Covid would have continued. It is only since I have been 'forced' to stop that I am finally facing what I think is grief. I am having dark thoughts having out breaks of sadness and feeling it's time To get help. 
     

    if I could advise you on anything this numbness still hasn't left me but I think you need help sooner rather than later and don't bottle it up 

     

    all my love 

    sam 

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