Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

Hi Chris , I feel for you , I know the pain you are going through, I wouldn't say people get stronger the further they get  ( because I sure don't ) . What I would say tho is that you learn to live with it. I am 18 months on the road from hell and still not there yet. It's so hard trying to get your head around knowing you are not going to see your loved one again. Also the loneliness never seems to leave you. I still go to bed at night and think what is the point of anything anymore, but somehow we get through another day. 
take care. 
Mike. 

Can't say I'm feeling very strong today. Just lost and was really angry last night. Kept looking at the stats for testicular cancer and keep thinking how could I lose him to the most curable form of cancer? Makes me so sad. How has your day been today? 

I'm I mess mate I cry all the time because I've lost the love of my life and I can't feel her anywhere at the moment  , I cry as the kid are playing 

I cry when I've got a make them some food I think how did my wife manage to do this every day

I cry about homeschooling just wish mummy was here to  help  I cried when I put them to bed because I know that I've got a do it again the next day and the next day it's sooo hard   
thanks Mike I know you're 18 months further on down the line but it's so nice to have someone to talk to just wish I could stop you being alone or even feeling so alone  I feel your pain x

Im sorry you had a hard night I do things like that. But it doesn't help  Reading up On cancer  it dose make you angry  but nothing else  do you fancy a chat on here later ?

Yeah that'd be good. 

I know what you mean. Like I know that looking at the figures isn't going to make any difference or bring him back but then can't help myself. Keep reading up on it more than I ever did when he was alive. Makes no sense. 

 I think I'm going to go down the medium root  myself and my nine-year-old on YouTube and we came across this Matt Fraser and every think he was saying gave us some kind of confidence  I know 100% believe percentI know 100% believe there is a Heaven 

Sorry if that didn't make sense I was talking to my phone

There has to be. Lovely people like your Martyne and my Phil have to be somewhere. They're too important just to be gone. I'm thinking I'll do the same further down the line. Hoping it'll bring me some comfort. 

I'm not actually going to pay for anything that yet I'm not ready for that  if you go on YouTube type in Matt Fraser and he will talk to you about heaven and life on the other side trust me I think you need to listen to it  it's about the third one from the top what does heaven in the afterlife mean 

I'll have to have a look. Think if I can get myself back to really believing in that I'll get through life better, knowing I'll see him again. 

I'll have to have a look. Think if I can get myself back to really believing in that I'll get through life better, knowing I'll see him again. 

Please have a look we can really do this jo I promise  

We can do it. We'll get through each day and keep supporting each other. 

Well it morning again  been hit by that train again! Connor age9  I really wish I Died  daddy not mummy  so you could be with mummy !  We really are a mess we thought we we  would get a dream  but we both got nothing ? Why are we doing this I question myself about everything 

Ah bless him. He must love you so much to think that. I dreamt I was cuddling and kissing Phil. Was so lovely but then waking up and realising he's gone hit me all over again. Wasn't like the dream I expected though. He didn't talk to me or give me a message or anything like that. Still, was nice to feel like I was with him again. I've had to find his work IT equipment to send back to them. Feels like another bit of him is gone. Makes it all more final. You're right, it's just so hard every day. Wish we could just go back in time and fix it somehow. 

I wish I could take away all your pain as well as my own  I never dreamed this would be my new  life 

Just so hard isn't it? Think lockdown makes it all harder as well. 

Hi lockdown is very hard  it feels like I'm being strangled. 

Know exactly what you mean. I'm doing a zoom tonight with some friends from work but it's not the same as actually seeing people, is it? 

No try and have fun if you can  for me I'm going to talk to a chap who lost his wife  same time as us   Just going to give him my phone number 

That's a good idea. Hope you have a good chat. If you want we can message on WhatsApp or something instead of on here too.