Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

Totally understand. The thought that I'm one day closer every day to being back with him is all that gets me through each day right now. Then people say don't say that when I tell them but that's how I feel. Didn't get dressed till about 3 o'clock today. Felt awful for it but just couldn't see the point. It's so hard and heels like apart from you and the lady I was telling you about last week who recorded Phil's funeral service to put online, no one gets it. 

 I understand what you're saying especially when you say to people you're one day closer to  being with him again The truth is people don't wanna hear that people think life is precious which it is?  People just Want everything like it was so they can go back to their old lives. When people say stuff like that to me I'm polite and I agree with them but deep down I think you haven't got a clue it's like if there was no water in the river you could actually see something is wrong so by putting the water back in the river makes it all okay again  but of course it doesn't because all them fish have already died because I've been out of the water for so long that's how I kind of see my situation 

Yeah, people want to hear that we're ok but I know I'll never be ok again. I might get better at hiding the pain and maybe I'll cry less, but life will never be ok, I'm sure of that. Feel like I'll just learn to pretend better that it's ok for everyone else. 

 That's how I feel if I got a pretend a bit more okay the other way with someone else in there be like oh my God Joe got over Phil fast  you see it's all *** 

We don't need to pretend and I do think will get stronger and I think will get better just a very slow progress 

We will. It is just so hard isn't it? Wish we didn't have to go through this. 

Hello I don't no what to say  I just can't keep going on like this  anymore  I simply have to do something but what? My oldestIt's saying stuff like why mummy why did mummy have to get  cancer what can I say ?   I'm a real mess  I have no fight left in me I just wanna say goodbye and go to my wife  

I know it's awful and so hard to keep going some days but think of Martyne and what she'd want you to do. Sure she'd want you to be there for your boys, even though it's just so hard right now. Wish I could do something to help. Could you get your parents or a friend to come over and give you some support? 

You are helping me jo you really are  it feels like you're the only one who understands .I just hate this life  why me why her??  Hope your ok you   People seem to be stronger the further north they  are 

Hi Chris , I feel for you , I know the pain you are going through, I wouldn't say people get stronger the further they get  ( because I sure don't ) . What I would say tho is that you learn to live with it. I am 18 months on the road from hell and still not there yet. It's so hard trying to get your head around knowing you are not going to see your loved one again. Also the loneliness never seems to leave you. I still go to bed at night and think what is the point of anything anymore, but somehow we get through another day. 
take care. 
Mike. 

Hi Chris , I feel for you , I know the pain you are going through, I wouldn't say people get stronger the further they get  ( because I sure don't ) . What I would say tho is that you learn to live with it. I am 18 months on the road from hell and still not there yet. It's so hard trying to get your head around knowing you are not going to see your loved one again. Also the loneliness never seems to leave you. I still go to bed at night and think what is the point of anything anymore, but somehow we get through another day. 
take care. 
Mike. 

I'm I mess mate I cry all the time because I've lost the love of my life and I can't feel her anywhere at the moment  , I cry as the kid are playing 

I cry when I've got a make them some food I think how did my wife manage to do this every day

I cry about homeschooling just wish mummy was here to  help  I cried when I put them to bed because I know that I've got a do it again the next day and the next day it's sooo hard   
thanks Mike I know you're 18 months further on down the line but it's so nice to have someone to talk to just wish I could stop you being alone or even feeling so alone  I feel your pain x