Hi, 

Thinking of you and your children. I lost my husband to testicular cancer on 2nd Jan after an almost 2 year fight. He was 41. We also have 2 children - 2 girls aged 11 and 7. Still feel almost numb at the minute and want to feel him with me like he promised he'd be, but I just don't yet. Praying I will one day as need to know he's there and that one day I'll be back with him. Got his funeral to come on Wednesday and currently framing a photo for the top of the coffin and noting down eulogy ideas. All feels so surreal. Got to keep going for the girls though. Sure you know that feeling. Best wishes to you and your little ones. 

Hello I know exactly what you're going throughI'm really sorry for your loss cancer is just horrible and obviously it affects The people who are left behind

 I think things will take a long time before we actually understand at all I'm much the same I walk round in limbo kind of like this can't be happening to me she's only popped out to the shop should be back soon but deep down we know what's happened and next time we'll see them as when we are up in heaven  to that's what my nine-year-old says anyway I hope it's true!  
funeral goes well Trust me you don't need to worry about it it's kind of like time stops just for a little while not really to say goodbye just to say that you love them and you had a short life but happy life 

i'm here if you do wanna talk I don't think I've ever met anyone from Newcastle because I'm from Southampton anyway trust me when I say I feel your pain that's without talking about the kids you're also grieving for the children I know I am I know they should have them and maybe it should've been me with the cancer! I love being on this website and I love talking to people sometimes when there is like radio silence I feel like oh my God what am I going to do next but the boys keep me busy

That's good that home schooling is going well. Been doing some with my littlest today. She's hard to motivate though. Thankfully the older one just cracks on with it so she's no bother. 

Know what you mean. Still can't get my head round it all to be honest. Keep thinking it will sink in soon but never seems to. 

 I think it going to take year s., I got fish and chips for tea and enjoyed them with the kids  even forgot about martyne for 5 mins  then hated my self  after 

We had chippy tea yesterday. Was Phil's favourite so felt odd having it without him. Know what you mean though. There are odd times when it goes out of your mind, just for a bit, then you feel awful. We shouldn't feel bad but can't help it. Definitely going to take a long, long time for it to even seem real. 

Our lives are going to be hard harder than people will ever understand   
 We are  never going to  be normal anymore if you know what a mean 

I miss my best friend lover every thing 

It's just so difficult to try and explain to others, isn't it? People mean well but they just don't get it. 

 To be honest  I don't think other people will ever understand  I think that's why there are so many widow dating site just so people can  chat as mates  and have company  not dating is dating used to be for us 

I'm trying to send my wife's Christmas present she never got to see on Amazon  all was going well until it asked for my password guess what she set it up  and I never wrote it down  now I'm back at rock bottom 

 Me again I'm sorry I'm having a melt down  I'm trying to get my wife Christmas present s  she never got to open! Trying to send back to Amazon but guess what my wife did my Amazon password I bet she told me I never wrote it down no I'm back at rock bottom

Ah that sounds so hard. Sending you a big hug. I'm the same with passwords and stuff. Hopefully they'll let you reset it but it just brings everything home again, doesn't it? Wish I could do something to help. 

I so needed that hug  thank you got a new password now  present s going back 2morro! Job done  still can't get my head around that martyne never walking through the front door again 

I so needed that hug  thank you got a new password now  present s going back 2morro! Job done  still can't get my head around that martyne never walking through the front door again 

 My wife died exactly a month ago yesterday so I've done over a month  with out her! I can't go on without her I just can't do this anymore The thought of doing it for 40 years is killing me 

hope you ok ?